Great Big Plans

I'm so thankful for our cozy apartment, for the hard-wood floors that I love so much, the new england wooden framework that borders our windows and doors, and the pale yellow colors on the walls. I'm thankful for color, and inspiration. I can't wait to do some heavy-duty decorating once we get our feet solid on the ground. Having said that, I'm totally content where I am right now. It's easy to waste your days away with wants, and the future - like someday I want a baby, someday I want a better vehicle, someday I want to get into a full-time job. All of those are true, but right now... I'm totally happy. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for my morning cup of coffee that calms my nerves and gets me set for the day. I'm thankful for Rigby - even though she's convinced she can attack squirrels through the windows. I'm thankful for my loving husband, and I'm so happy to have someone to wake up next to every morning. I'm thankful for the little things in life. I'm so happy that Becca showed me Ann Voskamp's blog, and book. I hope to read the book someday, but I also look forward to reading her blog posts - she is a very wise woman of God. I'm thankful that I got the "to-do" list for yesterday done, and I'm thankful that I'm losing weight! (yaaaay!!) I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, and getting this weekend over with. I can't wait to get my next unit assignment. Apparently it'll be a walk in the park compared to E100. Lord, you are just too kind to me. Thank you for your many wonderful gifts, and always remind me not to be complacent. Amen. Love, Sara

Fighting off sleep...

It's 9:30pm on a Tuesday and I'm fighting off sleep! How ridiculous. I decided to lay down for 45 minutes a little bit ago because I was just so darn tired, but then when Josh woke me up I felt like a zombie. Anyways, I'm thankful that today ended well. I'm thankful that I'm almost half-way through my E100 preceptorship. I'm thankful that I somewhat handled all my patients today. I'm thankful that Karen was a nice nurse. I'm thankful that I have off tomorrow and I get to sleep in. I'm excited to go see Becca and Addie tomorrow. I think it'll be fun. I'm thankful that Josh and I have the means to go out to the Olive Garden or wherever if we feel like it, although, Lord I pray you would give us wisdom when it comes to spending money. I also pray that you would provide for us to save money for a new vehicle. Help me to discern the fine line between needing a vehicle for safety and just plain wanting it because it's new-er. Thank you for watching over my family, Lord and I pray you would continue to be with my mom, my dad, and my brother. Show them your love, Lord. Help my husband in school, and with homework. Help me with strength and energy, and help me to be dedicated and devoted to my husband & our apartment - and not be lazy when I come home from work. Thank you Lord! Amen! Love, Sara

Is it the weekend yet?

Today was a hard and trying day at Catholic Medical Center. I didn't get out of work till 5:30pm when I was supposed to be off at 3:15. I haven't gotten out on-time yet. Today was just crazy busy, we had a lot of "needy" patients, and we had a fresh knee replacement post-op. I tell you what, I was so stressed my eyeball was going as fast as my heart, (which was like 120 a minute). I just didn't see how we were going to get done with charting on time, I was freaking because I wanted to get home to see my hubby before he left for class, and because I don't want to get in trouble for working past the time I'm supposed to be working till every single day so far. I'm thankful that my long day of work ended. I'm thankful that Deb and everybody else seems to be really understanding so far. I'm thankful I finally got my pyxis username and password to work! I'm thankful that 121-2 won't be there tomorrow. I'm thankful that so far, nobody has crashed or been in critical condition. I'm thankful that work stays at work, and I can just relax when I come home - and don't have to worry about homework or studying. I'm thankful that I don't have children yet. I'm thankful that I'm going to see Becca on Wednesday! I'm thankful that I can only shove so much food in my mouth at one time, or I may very well become obese. God, give me strength, give me courage, give me compassion, and make me efficient. Please watch over my patients and help me to give them the care that they need, and that they deserve. Amen. Love, Sara

Iiiiit's a Sunday!

We got to go to church today, which of course I'm thankful for! We also got to look around at what all we'll need to clean when we go Thursday. I'm very glad to be serving the church, and I can't wait till summer when Josh and I can start attending care group in Londondary. I work tomorrow and Tuesday, and then I have off Wednesday and Thursday. I'm thankful for days off, but I'm also very thankful for work! I can't wait to get paid this week. I think it'll be a relief having such a nice income. We're certainly not used to it, and it's certainly a blessing. I'm very thankful for the sunshine we had today, for my daily walks with Rigby - she's such a cutie. I'm thankful I got to make dinner for my wonderful husband. I'm glad I got to talk to my dad on the phone tonight for a little while. Lord, while I'm on the subject of my dad, I just pray you would provide for him. Provide a place to live, a job, and the money he needs. I beg of you Lord, please provide for him, and let him know you are in control.. comfort him. Give me the words I need to comfort him, Lord. It breaks my heart to think he might be worried and scared. Thank you Lord for all the blessings you've given me and my family, and I pray you would continue to bless my family. I pray for Paul's family as well Lord, comfort them in this time of loss. I pray Becca and Drew would have a safe trip home (if they aren't home yet), and I pray for my coworkers - that you would touch each one of them, and let them know you the way that I do. Thank you lord. Amen. Love, Sara

I will welcome April with open arms

It's Friday, and it was my last day of work for this week - that also means that week one is over, and I survived! I'm very thankful that I have 3 days under my belt thus far, and I'm thankful that today was a little more manageable than the past 2 have been. I'm thankful that Josh and I got to go to Margarita's for dinner, I'm thankful that I got to stop at the huntress uniforms place and buy 2 pairs of scrubs. I'm thankful that I went to the gym last night, and am determined to go tonight too. I'm thankful that tomorrow I can wake up and clean our apartment, and that right now I have the motivation to do all of this (haha). I'm thankful for sleeping in. I'm thankful that I have Wednesday and Thursday off next week. I do sort of wish that I could take a couple patients on my own before the end of this rotation. I would love to schedule an appointment to get my hair cut, and I would love to re-wax my arms, paint my fingernails, and trim my eyebrows. But, all that is really meaningless. What really matters, is God. So my priority this weekend will be to go to church, caregroup if possible, and get involved with cleaning. I also want to read the bible and write reflections. God, please help me to always remember what is important in my life, you. Please help me to focus on the things of this world that really matter, help me to be strong, and fight my temptations. Thank you for all of the things you have blessed me with, and continue to humble me and teach me mercy and grace. Amen.

Love, Sara

First day on the job: rocky success

So, it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, and it was worse than I thought it'd be all at once. I was lost the whole day; I'm not sure if I charted everything 100% accurately, and I'm not sure that I covered my bum in all the places I needed to, but I didn't break down and cry, and I wasn't dead from exhaustion when I came home. I'm thankful that I survived day one. I'm thankful that day one is over. I'm thankful that none of my patients had any sentinel or significant events today, and I'm thankful that I have such a knowledgable and friendly preceptor. I am thankful that I have off tomorrow, and I'm thankful that I get to sleep in tomorrow morning, and Josh is going to take care of Rigby, and I can relax and recoop the whole day. I'm excited to try our Mexican food night. Lord, Please help me to have the humility to ask for help, ask questions, and approach situations in a calm and respectful manner. Please help me to correct myself (if and when needed) before I approach someone else about correcting their behavior. Remind me that it is a privelage to work as a nurse in this hospital and not a right. Lord, please help me to be a caring nurse and to make a difference in peoples lives. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Love, Sara

First day of spring weather forecast: snow

As my title says, it is the first day of spring and it's snowing outside! It's just perfectly ironic. Anyways, I'm so thankful that it didn't get too bad out before I came home from the hospital. I'm thankful that I got home safely. I'm thankful that I'm in my nice warm-ish apartment and I'm relaxing after a nice long day of work. I'm thankful that I get to start on the floor tomorrow. It's almost 6:00pm now, and I'd really like to get the dishes done before Josh comes home. I hope to go to the gym tonight too, if he feels up to it. If not, unfortunately, I feel I'll probably put it off till tomorrow. I'm so lucky to have a husband that's happy to see me when I get home from work, and gives me hugs and kisses. I'm very thankful for my husband. I'm glad that I was able to talk with the girls pretty easily at lunch and didn't feel awkward today, and I'm glad that we got to finally take a tour of the hospital. I'm glad we got to fool around with the IV pumps, and the hospital beds, and all that technical stuff. I'm thankful that I have Wednesday off this week, and I'm so looking forward to trying home-made mexican salsa, and tacos! Hopefully they turn out well, we'll see! Lord, thank you for the many many many blessings that you have given me and continue to give me day after day after day. I pray that I would never take these things for granted, and I would always remember to thank you and talk to you in the good times as well as the bad. Amen.

Love, Sara

God's day of rest, indeed.

I love Sundays. Josh and I got up, went to church - had a lovely time talking with our pastor and his wife, among others... we talked about getting involved with the care group that meets on Sundays, and also talked about serving the church by cleaning it one week out of the month. It makes me excited to get involved with our church, and we also were able to give back monetarily to the church this week, which was a relief as well. We came home, took our energized puppy for a walk down to the park and back, and took a nice long nap. Now, Josh is off at the school doing homework and being diligent about his school-work, and I'm contemplating going to the gym or quilting a little bit. I do want to go to the gym, I just don't want to leave Rigby by herself. I thought maybe I could do yoga or something in our apartment for when I feel guilty leaving Rigby alone. That way I still do something beneficial for my body, and she doesn't have to go back in her crate for another hour or so. We'll see if that works out or not. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the float pool educator that supposedly will last from 7:30-2:00pm. After that I'm really going to try to hit the gym, and get the rest of the things I need from the store to make mexican salsa and tacos. That's going to be my project for Wednesday! I'm SO incredibly thankful for the sunny weather today, for the ambition and energy I have, for the message that spoke directly to me this morning, and made me feel convicted, (thank God!). I am thankful for my husband who works hard to get us connected to the church, and has really been making an effort to care for our small family, and then focus on school, which I know is really hard. Thank you, Lord for all these things, and help me to clear the hurdles, and continue to clear them on my path to sanctification. Amen.

Love, Sara

Praise God for tax returns!

Today, I went to get groceries, and cooked a magnificent china-style supper while my dear and darling husband did our taxes. After it's all said and done, we should get a pretty hefty tax return, which we could really use at this time. I'm so surprised that I finally have my big girl job, and we're still struggling to pay all the bills and save anything. I was thinking about actually picking up another per diem job, just to save a little money here and there. I'm thankful though that I have this job. I'm thankful for our tax return. I'm thankful that I have the weekend off to relax and go to church tomorrow morning. I'm thankful that I start working on the floor next week, and I'm thankful that I've already received one paycheck, and have another on the way. I'm thankful that God has provided for us thus far, and I know that he will continue to provide for us. I'm thankful that we have church tomorrow - I'm so looking forward to it! We haven't gone in 3 weeks! Lord, I pray you would be with Paul and his family as they are mourning the loss of his father. I pray that you would comfort them, and make a nice place in heaven for his father. Thank you for my family, and my husband. Thank you for the beautiful sunshine and the warm weather we enjoyed yesterday. I pray that you would give me the strength, and energy to work diligently this up-coming week. Thank you Lord! You are so good! Amen.

Love, Sara

Sorry I missed yesterday!

It's Thursday, but it's the start of the weekend for me! I'm excited! I feel like I could use a good weekend to revive before the "work" really starts! On top of it being the weekend, I got paid today! My first big girl check that's more than 300 dollars! How exciting! I'm so thankful for my first paycheck. I'm thankful that next weekend I get to really start working, and I'm thankful that I've survived orientation! I'm thankful that I didn't kill any of my 'patients' in the sim lab today, and I'm thankful that I feel a teensy bit more confident about what to do in a code situation. I'm thankful that this weekend will be relaxing (better be!) and that I can work on my quilt! I'm thankful for the BEAUTIFUL weather! I'm thankful that all of the snow is melting and I can't see the snow mountain from the futon anymore! yaaay! I'm thankful that I get to sleep in tomorrow morning! I know this is a short one, but I have to go make dinner for my loverly husband now.

Love, Sara

Just another Manic Monday

It's a Monday night, and I'm watching 'The Office' with my husband and Rigby. =] I had sort of a rough day at work, but thinking positively, I made it to work on-time, I got paid for 7.5 hours today, I got to meet another employee of Catholic Medical Center through orientation. I got the laundry done, the dishes are done, and I'll be in bed at a decent hour tonight. That's a promise. I finished my homework from orientation, and I feel a tiny bit more confident about PCA/epidural administration. Tomorrow, I'm going to make it to the gym. Another good note is that I love the small quilting project that I put together yesterday. Lord, I'm struggling, and I can feel it. I need your help. I need your strength. I need the energy and patience to serve my husband quietly and dutifully. I need the energy to do my job well and take care of patients with my whole heart, and protect them from harm. Thank you Lord. Amen.

Love, Sara

Lazy Sunday

This morning, Josh and I decided to sleep in. Josh has a ton of homework/studying to do today, and I have no excuse. I feel bad for missing church, and eventually I'll need to grow a pair and start doing things I don't feel 100% comfortable with. I'm sort of angry at myself for not going, and now I feel tired. I'm thankful that it will be light out when I get up for work from now on (although it usually was anyways). I'm thankful that despite losing an hour of sleep, I still got plenty of hours of sleep. I'm thankful that I was able to throw together that small quilt yesterday, and I'm looking forward to messing around with it a little more today! I'm thankful that I was able to fall right back asleep after I took Rigby out this morning, and that it wasn't bitterly cold outside when I did take her out. I hope tomorrow is a fun day of work and that I don't feel completely and utterly lost the whole time. It's a gloomy day outside, but at least it's warm-ish and the snow will continue to melt. I love New Hampshire even more when the sidewalks are visible and you can see the granite sidewalk trimmings. I'm hyped for spring. I want to plant tomatoe plants, and flowers and I want to go running outside, and go to the beach. I love spring and summer!

Love, Sara

It's the weekend!

I'm back to my pre-employment daily routine; ate my breakfast, checked e-mail and facebook, and now I'm writing on this blog while Rigby sits.. well... lays on her window seat snoring. I love weekends. I'm thankful for Saturdays! I'm going to have to call my dad here in a little bit because I don't want him to worry about me. I'm thankful that he called me last night to check in. I'm glad I have such a caring family. I'm glad that cleaning up the apartment yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'm glad that Josh and I got out on a day and enjoyed a nice dinner & movie. Rango was funny - I enjoyed quite a bit. I'm thankful that I get to wake up next to the love of my life every morning, and that he's kind enough to take Rigby out on a day that's just as well a day to sleep in for him. I'm so glad and thankful that my weight's down to 130! It gives me incentive to keep hitting the gym and eating right. I'm thankful that I'll be getting paid on Thursday. Lord, I know that you'll take care of us, but please provide for us until we can get on our feet. Please, protect us from further expenses and just help us to get by. Thank you, God. Amen.

Love, Sara

one week down, infinity to go

I finished my first week of orientation at Catholic Medical Center. I enjoy it very much thus far, but I do feel that I'm ready to get out of the classroom and onto the floor. As one of our fellow trainees pointed out though, once you get on the floor it never slows down again. I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful for the semi-warm weather outside, and I'm thankful that the snow is melting. I'll take the rain, just as long as it gets warmer out. I'm ready for spring, although I know it's still quite a ways away. I'm thankful that I can come home and watch Bones to unwind after a day of work. I'm so glad that Josh and I are getting out and going on a date tonight. It's much needed, and I'm going to dress up just because I can! =] I'm thankful for clothing styles and fashion, a way to express myself through fabrics and accessories. I'm thankful for make-up that hides the bags under my eyes. Most of all, I'm thankful for a loving and forgiving God.

Love, Sara

There's evil in us all

I don't understand how to leave my hurt feelings behind. I don't know how to not feel vulnerable; how to trust unconditionally. I don't know how to be myself without wondering or worrying what other people think. I wonder why I feel like it's the worst thing in the world if someone thinks of me as "annoying" or "weird". I'm thankful for a God who doesn't disappoint, and who accepts me for who I am. I'm thankful for my marriage, for my baby-puppy-girl, for my friends, and especially for my mom. I'm thankful for my job, and this orientation. I'm thankful for passing my NCLEX and for making it out of nursing school alive. Looking back at my life, I have definitely changed - mostly for the better, but I used to be so... spontaneous, and able to talk and connect with people. I used to be sociable and 'normal'. I used to not fear being alone in a crowd, and now it's like my worst fear... aside from snakes. I know that in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I love Jesus Christ with all my heart, and that I make a conscious and daily effort to live for him every minute of my life. That's the thing I need to 'work on' more than anything else. Lord, forgive me for my foolishness. Forgive me for putting other people's opinions of me far above your opinion of me. Help me to live for you, change my heart.. change my mind.. take control of me! Take control of my life! Amen.

Love, Sara

I can do this...

I'm exhausted. This morning I had to be at "work" at 7am and sat through orientation till 4:00pm. That's not even a full day! But, man... am I tired! Tomorrow is 8-3:30 and then I believe Friday is the same thing. Luckily, I get the weekend to veg out and relax! I'm so thankful for this job, but I pray God would provide me with the energy and strength I need to do it and do it well. I'm thankful for sleep, comfy beds, fluffy blankets, hot showers, and coffee. I'm thankful that I have been on-time so far to every morning of orientation, and that I haven't had too much difficulty with traffic or anything like that. I'm thankful that Catholic Medical Center is such a nice program with helpful and caring staff. I'm thankful that I haven't felt humiliated or anything like that. I'm thankful that my four years of nursing school are over, and that I'll never take a stupid exam again. Maybe now I can go back to being more laid back, and a little less anal retentive. Oh, and I'm thankful for alarm clocks that don't have a frickin annoying beeping sound. I'm thankful for food, and for exercise. I'm going to go enjoy exercise right about... now. =]

Love, Sara

bliss

I won't lie, I'm tired when my alarm buzzes in the wee hours of the morning - but I'm happier than I've been in a while. I know, however, that this happiness is temporary and I can't stake my satisfaction of life or, really anything in a job - even if the job description is caring for others. I'm happy at the moment though. I love having a mission - having something to gear my energies toward when I get out of the bed in the morning. I'm so much more productive this way. I love being a nurse. I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to be a nurse, and I pray that I would be able to relax a little and just enjoy my time in orientation with the other new nurses. I'm thankful that I have an understanding husband who's excited to see me when I get home from work, and I'm glad that I have a puppy who'll cuddle with me while I'm unwinding after a day full of lectures and quizes. I'm thankful that I got to talk Rigby for a walk this evening - normally that would be something I dreaded doing, but for some reason I really enjoyed it tonight. I'm thankful that I can be sure Josh's and I's financial needs will be met, and I'm thankful that I get to make money doing what I feel I was born to do - care for others. Lord, thank you for these opportunities in my life, and remind me that this is you working in my life everyday. Remove my arrogance and pride, and remind me always that I am nothing without you, and I can DO nothing without you. Amen.

Love, Sara

My first day of work

I had a 6 and a half hour orientation today, including "back school" where I got to bend down with my butt sticking out. It was humbling and humiliating but I loved every second of it. I felt like I had no idea what I was getting myself into all through college. I still don't know - but I do know that I enjoyed today. Even though it was a lot of talking and wasn't really focusing on 'Nursing' the verb. I'm so thankful that God has given me this opportunity. I'm thankful that Josh and I have a source of income, I'm thankful that we made it back from Pennsylvania safely. I'm thankful that tomorrow I have another day of work and that I can get out of the apartment for more than an hour and enjoy doing so. I'm thankful that we spend a good week and a half with our families in Clearfield, Indiana, and Scranton Pennsylvania. I'm thankful that Rigby's so darn cute, and according to 3 different internet sources, should be coming to the end of her first menstrual cycle. Lord, I pray that you would protect me in my traveling to Manchester again tomorrow, and I pray that tomorrow would go well for me too. I'm so very thankful for a loving, supportive husband who sits and listens to me ramble on when I get home from work. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Love, Sara

Incense and peppermints

We're in Scranton, Pennsylvania spending the day with my brother and his fiance'! I'm so thankful to be here. I'm thankful that we don't have a 10 hour drive back to NH, and I'm thankful that our trip was a success thus far, (how could it not be?) I'm thankful that we're headed home tomorrow, and I can't wait to start my big girl job. I'm thankful for puppies playing and long walks in the park. I'm thankful for manly-smelling husband and having a night on the town tonight. I'm thankful for memories of childhood, and how my brothers' and I's relationship hasn't changed. I'm thankful for food and for losing weight on this trip home. I'm thankful for girly cravings and sour patch kids. Lord, you are so good to me and my family. I pray that you would continue to bless us, and I pray that Rigby would stop bleeding soon because I'm losing my patience with it. Grant me patience, Lord. Thank you, God - for everything. Amen.

Love, Sara

Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy

The sun is shining away here in Indiana. It's a bit chilly outside, but it smells like spring and there's grass on the ground. I'm thankful for the seasons - but most of all, I'm thankful for the end of winter. I'm thankful for sleeping in, as Josh and I have done every day of our vacation so far. I'm thankful that we were able to spend very little on our trip home so far, and that we probably won't have that much more to spend money on on the way home. Although, I know that God will provide if something unexpected comes along. I'm thankful for the small things - like Josh's willingness to help me fold laundry, and his willingness to shave to make me happy. I'm thankful for warm showers, and fluffy blankets, and I'm thankful that my period only comes once a month. It could be worse! It could be a constant thing. I'm thankful that I have the free time and opportunity (and resources) to start quilting. I find it very enjoyable, and someday I hope to give back to those in need by supplying warmth. God, I pray that you would use me in whatever way you feel you can. I pray that I would bring you glory, and that I would exhalt your name. Thank you for the sunshine, for the warm showers and fluffy blankets. Amen.

Love, Sara

God will finish what he started in you..

I believe a week or so ago, I prayed to God that he would convict me of my sins and show me the ways that I am wrong - and that I would not feel condemnation as I usually do. God answers prayers. Since we've been home, I've seen many, many ways that I can work (with God's help) on things, and I didn't feel like a waste of life, or a failure. I'm so thankful that God has answered my prayers yet again. I'm thankful that I have a God I can pray to - who cares for me. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband who helps me through my ups and downs, and constantly shows me love and affection - even if I don't want it. I'm thankful for this period to relax and enjoy time with friends and family before I start working; it's a much needed form of therapy. I'm thankful for the sunshine, and the warmth. I'm thankful that grass is on the ground everywhere here! (Unfortunately that's not the case in New Hampshire). God, I pray that you would keep us safe on our trip back to Clearfield, Scranton, and NH. I thank you for this opportunity to visit our families. Thank you, Lord. I pray that you would provide for us until I can get a pay check - which I know you will. And I pray that you would continue the work that you started in me, as I know you will. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Love, Sara