I don't understand how to leave my hurt feelings behind. I don't know how to not feel vulnerable; how to trust unconditionally. I don't know how to be myself without wondering or worrying what other people think. I wonder why I feel like it's the worst thing in the world if someone thinks of me as "annoying" or "weird". I'm thankful for a God who doesn't disappoint, and who accepts me for who I am. I'm thankful for my marriage, for my baby-puppy-girl, for my friends, and especially for my mom. I'm thankful for my job, and this orientation. I'm thankful for passing my NCLEX and for making it out of nursing school alive. Looking back at my life, I have definitely changed - mostly for the better, but I used to be so... spontaneous, and able to talk and connect with people. I used to be sociable and 'normal'. I used to not fear being alone in a crowd, and now it's like my worst fear... aside from snakes. I know that in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I love Jesus Christ with all my heart, and that I make a conscious and daily effort to live for him every minute of my life. That's the thing I need to 'work on' more than anything else. Lord, forgive me for my foolishness. Forgive me for putting other people's opinions of me far above your opinion of me. Help me to live for you, change my heart.. change my mind.. take control of me! Take control of my life! Amen.
Love, Sara
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