Fretting about Money.

Josh and I, well... probably mostly I... always talk about how "someday I'd like to have a library in our house," and "someday I'd like to have a wine cellar in our house", and "someday I'll have a big huge kitchen". Two problems with every single one of those statements. Where's God? And why do those things matter? They don't. And that's why at the end of the day when I get a 900 some dollar bill from the dentist, I'm empty and depressed, because I've placed my hope in big expensive things, and it kills me that I can hardly pay for the dentist.

God will provide for our needs. And simply stated, I shouldn't need anything other than what he provides. I shouldn't need anything but God ...and what he provides. There's got to be a fine line between "oh wouldn't that be nice," and depending on it; placing hope and emotion on it. I'm determined to find that line. And live on the "Oh, wouldn't it be nice" side of the line.

On another note, It's nearly February. I find it crazy how fast time goes now that I'm not in school. It's exciting in a way though, because that means in no time, we will be either staying here, or more likely finding an apartment back in Pittsburgh. It would be exciting to have a change. A rotating schedule would be interesting, and a pay raise would be awesome. But once again - like with everything else. God's will be done, and God will provide. I need not get anxious or worrisome about things, because it will all work out according to God's perfect plan. I can do what I need to - and certainly pray, pray, pray. But otherwise I need to step back, and trust in the Lord.

Thanks, for letting me vent.

Love, Sara

Watching, waiting, anticipating

Josh sent his information to the Public defender's office in Pittsburgh for a summer internship. We are essentially waiting to hear back about that, and an externship, before we will know where we'll be for the rest of this year. I've found that living in such uncertainty tends to lead to anxiety and panic for me. But this is a wonderful opportunity to put ALL my trust in the Lord. Josh and I may not know what's going to happen, but God certainly does. And God is good to his sons and daughters.

So, pray that Josh and I will make the most of this opportunity to fully depend on God, and pray that we wouldn't have any anxieties about it. Thank you, dear friends

Sara

"new look"

I've been trying to give many things in my life "face lifts" recently, and my blog should not go unnoticed. So, I decided to change things around a bit. There may be a little tweaking in this blog's future.

I've been struggling recently with "who I am"... Seems I'm still trying to find my identity even now; all this time after high school. Nursing school was really a blur for my social life, too much homework and responsibility - although I did manage to find a husband and marry him. =] I know what the answer ought to be. First, and foremost, I am a christian. I am a woman of God. I am a wife, a daughter of two wonderful parents, a sister of one supportive and loving brother who has been a close companion for many many years, I'm a friend of many lovely ladies, and gentlemen, I am a nurse. Aha! There it is... the one I've been struggling with. Nurse. What is a nurse? A taker of orders,... a do-er of tasks... a passer of meds...? Shouldn't there be more to it than that? The idea of nursing is fabulous and riveting. How you can really change someone's life, extend their lives, or make their last moments of life really something special. What I have found, so far... is that these patients I've come into contact with more often than not, aren't even grateful for a glass of water, and I - young child that I am, have thin skin, and insecurities.

But the Lord calls us to have thick skin. To battle onward. To be kind, and turn the other cheek. To love others, our enemies, our foes. He calls us to do his will without instant gratification, heavens, perhaps without gratification at all. So I revert back to the "thing" that I am first and foremost. A christian, a woman of God. And it all comes full circle. I am a caring girl with a tender heart, but lucky for me, God is within me, strengthening me and moving me onward.

Love, Sara

The lazy bug

The past couple days, almost a week now, I've not felt like doing ANYTHING. I made dinner last night, and then took a nap, and watched TV until bed. Well, Josh and I finished off Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets before we went to bed, but I could've gotten a lot of much-needed things accomplished. Laundry, dishes, groceries; heavens.. even some pampering like re-doing my fingernails or something. I feel stuck in a rut. I'm in a funk. I need to try to be more positive about my job, and learn to roll with the punches, and just... do the best that I can do, and not only do the best that I can, but make the best out of any situation. I have a few awful days under my belt that I can say "at least it's not as bad as such and such a night". But also, I need to keep my mind focused on what I'm doing here. I need a year's experience (AT LEAST) before I can get a job doing something else. It would be nice to have 2 years I'm sure, but our time line does not allow for that. I need to realize that this is just a step in the process. Focus on ACLS and other things like that. Josh will find out about his internship in March-ish, sounds like. Well, he'll find out if he gets an interview in February. I hope they interview him, and I hope he does an outstanding job. We were looking at apartments in Pittsburgh last night, and I've been looking at the job boards pretty regularly. I hope and pray that God opens doors for us in Pittsburgh, or if that is not his will, he would make us aware of his plans for us. Especially now with my grandfather rapidly declining, I wish I was home with family. I know I'd still have to work but the days I had off I could at least spend with them. Pittsburgh is about 2 and a half hours away from clearfield, about one hour or so away from Indiana. It's about the same distance away as Scranton, just in the other direction. There are so many things on my mind causing me anxiety, I just need to give them all up to the Lord, and Pray pray pray. Perhaps in this time of sorrow fasting would be a good idea. I really hope Josh and I can go to care group on Monday. I think going snowboarding on Saturday would do us some good too - get our minds off things. I can't wait for my stress management class at work. Perhaps it will give me some new ideas of how to get myself under control before the crash comes, and without spending loads of money on yoga classes or something. I would like to try yoga though - I think it would be relaxing and peaceful. Coffee does the soul good, too.. i'm convinced. Off to conquer the worlds more important problems, like dishes.

Love, Sara

Winter hits New Hampshire

The world outside is white, and slushy. There's rainy sleet falling from the sky. Back home in Pennsylvania, this is what we would call a miserable day. It brings back vivid memories of a year ago. We had just moved half-way across the country. For me, it was the first time being that far away from family, friends, loved ones. We didn't know very many people up here - Josh had a friend from high school that was living with her husband and daughter in Concord as well. I remember how desolate it felt. It was both exhilarating and scary. At times I felt that it was so nice being on our own, getting to really know each other and depend on each other. At other times I felt stranded and abandoned up here in the "tundra". It was an interesting mix of emotions, all of which were heightened as I endlessly endeavored to find a job, and pass my boards. I remember the days of studying, cooped up in the apartment with blankets covering me head to toe, eating all day long (I gained 15 pounds last winter!) doing practice question after practice question. It's comforting to know that I will never have to pass the NCLEX again. Reminiscing helps me to be thankful for the situation I am in now. I don't have to worry about the next bill coming in the mail and how in the world we're going to keep up with rent. I don't have to worry about not having anyone to talk to, having made friends at work, and at church. Josh and I have had a good long time to depend on each other, learn to solve conflicts together, and fall madly in love all over again, and again. This is a chapter in our lives, that we can say strengthened our marriage, helped us to grow in the Lord, and taught us the value of having friends and family near and dear. It's an experience I'll never forget.

Love, Sara

The new year is here

It doesn't feel any different - in fact, the only weird part is that it's about 50 degrees and beautiful outside in the beginning of January. 2012 for whatever reason doesn't seem like "holy cow it's 2012!" I feel like I may be that way when 2013 rolls around, or perhaps that's just because I've spent time planning into 2012 and haven't even thought about 2013 yet. I feel like this year will be a big one for us. Josh will be finishing up with law school, he won't take his BAR until 2013 for sure, but it'll still be a huge feat finishing law school. I'm coming up on my one-year-working-at-catholic-medical-center mark in February/March. I was technically hired in February, but didn't start orientation until March. I remember those first 2 months here with no job.. It was frustrating for sure. I said no matter what I would be thankful for my job because I couldn't deal with going back to that nothingness. It's funny to look back at the past year. We would have only been in PA for another 6 days, on the 7th of January we drove all the vehicles up here to NH to move in. Josh's parents and his brother Matt came with us, and our first meal in our new apartment was Checkmate pizza. Rigby went for a walk around the neighborhood - one of her first walks on the leash. Now it's a regular every-day routine. We've managed to make it back to PA every two months or so to see family. Maybe we only see my family, maybe Josh's would come up here - either way we were blessed to be in close contact with family even though we're so far away. Summer was a lot of fun, we went hiking, went to the ocean up here several times, had lots of visitors - that was my stretch of night shift for 2 months. It was awfully hard to stay awake down there in the admissions office sometimes, and I remember feeling over-joyed the nights and even mornings that I could sleep with Josh. I missed sleeping next to him. We also made it down to North Carolina with Josh's family for vacation - it was tons of fun! Josh and I celebrated our first year anniversary around that time and traveled another 5 hours to Georgetown South Carolina to spend a night at the Mansfield plantation. It was very beautiful and quite an out of this world experience. Then we ventured back to New Hampshire, I got hired to the D200 Unit where I work now, and began to develop friendships with the lovely ladies I work with there. Thanksgiving was spent back in PA with Josh's family. My dad had just sold the house in Pleasant Valley, and so my Dad was in Scranton with Steven. So we spent a few days in clearfield and a few days in Scranton. Christmas was weird without anyone here - Josh and I opened presents 2 days early. I wrapped Rigby's gifts and put them under the tree as well. Josh got an Ipad, Rigby got bones and new dog dishes in a pretty stand, and I got flannel sheets (LOVE LOVE LOVE), Beautiful earrings from my lovely husband, and work clogs that are SO comfortable I might just have to get a pair for around the house. It was an excellent Christmas and we both made out like bandits. =] We have more presents to look forward to when we venture home to PA in a few days. And I was able to make it home in time to watch the ball drop with my lovely husband, and we ate Gobs and sipped on Champagne. That's a year in review, with Sara Brown.

Amen!
Love, Sara