The other day, I was day-dreaming about my old high school days, about waking up in the morning and training for cross country, the beautiful woods and hills that we would see back behind the CHS. I remember one time running down this hill that leads to the back entrance of the school, and there was a black bear off in the distance. It was so quiet out there that I could just barely hear its footsteps rustling in the leaves on the ground. It was an awesome experience. I also remember running in this one spot where there's an overlook of the entire valley, and you can see a bright red barn with farm animals grazing in the pastures, and big trees shading the road with not a car in sight.
I also remember singing all the time. Singing with my brother accompanying me on piano, singing with my ipod on the track bus, singing in the talent show, with jvezz and claire... I pulled out my guitar yesterday to bring some of that back in my life, but it's just not the same (my voice isn't what it used to be)... I wonder.... is it normal for childhood dreams to die like this? The three things I loved most in high school were band, singing, and running. Obviously there aren't many marching bands out there I could become a part of. But singing and running, I can still do those things - at least until my knees give out.
Lately I've been really struggling with contentment in my job and our current location. I miss the country a lot - not used to city life. I'm sure that will change with time, but I also feel like my job limits my ability to join in things, however.. that doesn't mean I shouldn't try anyways. And... I saw a good bit of wisdom on my sister-in-law's blog that I will share too, God has placed us here for some reason, so I might as well try to make the best of it. And I have this job for some reason, so I might as well get through it. And most importantly, I need to trying living for God for a change - and being so caught up in him that I couldn't care less about my job or living in the city. These are my goals for the upcoming "season of life". Get back into running and singing, and find contentment in God.
Love, Sara
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Summer's ending
Summer is winding down, it's the middle of August now! On August 7th, Josh and I celebrated 2 years of marriage. Hard to believe that much time has passed already. I'm looking forward to many more years with him - my best friend. We've had quite a few crazy memories, quite a few adventures. We moved to a state 10 hours away and back again, discovered New England, visited the southern part of the country on our last anniversary... We've led a pretty blessed life together thus far.
That following weekend after our anniversary, we journeyed back to Clearfield for my grandfather's memorial service. It was a difficult time, and yet it was a relief as well. His suffering is over, but it was sad looking back at his life, and our lives together to realize that he won't be there (in person) anymore. And it was also the last of my grandparents to go be with the Lord. It was nice to catch up with family and spend some time helping mom get things settled around the house though.
It's hard to believe that another season of life has passed. We're back into fall, and then winter - and on and on. I've been enjoying our time here for the most part - living in the city when you're used to wide open fields and tons of space does take a little getting used to, and at times I feel the need to just get away from it all, but we have been doing pretty well with that. I look forward to "the next step". Josh will have an internship with the immigration law firm this fall, and then he will take the BAR in February if all goes according to plan. Then we shall see what God has planned for us! Until then, I'm focusing on being grateful for the small things, the mundane, and simple beauty in the world. =]
Love, Sara
That following weekend after our anniversary, we journeyed back to Clearfield for my grandfather's memorial service. It was a difficult time, and yet it was a relief as well. His suffering is over, but it was sad looking back at his life, and our lives together to realize that he won't be there (in person) anymore. And it was also the last of my grandparents to go be with the Lord. It was nice to catch up with family and spend some time helping mom get things settled around the house though.
It's hard to believe that another season of life has passed. We're back into fall, and then winter - and on and on. I've been enjoying our time here for the most part - living in the city when you're used to wide open fields and tons of space does take a little getting used to, and at times I feel the need to just get away from it all, but we have been doing pretty well with that. I look forward to "the next step". Josh will have an internship with the immigration law firm this fall, and then he will take the BAR in February if all goes according to plan. Then we shall see what God has planned for us! Until then, I'm focusing on being grateful for the small things, the mundane, and simple beauty in the world. =]
Love, Sara
Friday, August 3, 2012
Grandfather's passing
As we were in Duck, North Carolina, I received "the call" from my mom that my grandfather had passed away. A sense of relief washed over me at those words. My grandfather has been suffering for the past several months; in excruciating pain with bone cancer and pressure ulcers up and down his spine due to being bed-ridden and not taking in proper nutrition. My mom and her fiance Rodney have been taking care of him for the past 3 years. They dedicated their lives during that time to care for him and made numerous sacrifices. So as you can see, the relief was two-fold. A.) My grandfather is in heaven with his long lost bride with a new body free of pain and suffering rejoicing with God. and B.) My mom can breathe a little easier, and get her life back. She did an incredibly selfless and noble thing by giving up so much to care for her dad. I hope that if I'm faced with that situation someday I can do the same for my father.
I got cancelled from work today, which is also a blessing, because we've been going going going since we got back from North Carolina. I think I needed some time to sit and think on God, and spend some real quality not-rushed time in my bible and praying. Last night I was really struggling again with finding joy in things that are unpleasant for me - namely my job. I also got the feeling that God was far from me, and that I haven't felt him lately, and why would he want me to struggle like this? Josh and I had a long talk about "perspective" and not focusing on my job, but on God, and quite honestly I felt like I just didn't know how to do that. I felt like...my job is concrete, real.. it's something I have to do, something I touch and interact with. God is different. ... but then I started thinking.. yes, God is different. God is all-knowing.. he's the beginning and the end, and if it weren't for him, I would be dead right now. Sometimes it's easy for me to feel utterly exhausted and defeated, but my mom always told me "God will never give you more than you can handle" and Romans 5 tells us that suffering produces strength, and strength produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. I may be paraphrasing a little bit, but that's how I remember it. It's hard to remember that sometimes, especially in difficult times. But God always redirects me when I go astray - like a good shepherd.
-Sara
I got cancelled from work today, which is also a blessing, because we've been going going going since we got back from North Carolina. I think I needed some time to sit and think on God, and spend some real quality not-rushed time in my bible and praying. Last night I was really struggling again with finding joy in things that are unpleasant for me - namely my job. I also got the feeling that God was far from me, and that I haven't felt him lately, and why would he want me to struggle like this? Josh and I had a long talk about "perspective" and not focusing on my job, but on God, and quite honestly I felt like I just didn't know how to do that. I felt like...my job is concrete, real.. it's something I have to do, something I touch and interact with. God is different. ... but then I started thinking.. yes, God is different. God is all-knowing.. he's the beginning and the end, and if it weren't for him, I would be dead right now. Sometimes it's easy for me to feel utterly exhausted and defeated, but my mom always told me "God will never give you more than you can handle" and Romans 5 tells us that suffering produces strength, and strength produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. I may be paraphrasing a little bit, but that's how I remember it. It's hard to remember that sometimes, especially in difficult times. But God always redirects me when I go astray - like a good shepherd.
-Sara
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