New Years Resolutions

I'm not usually one to document or even take new years resolutions seriously, but I've noticed a few things, a few bad habits in my life that I would like to change. First and foremost - the gym (of course). I would like to make it a point to go at least 3 times a week. AT LEAST. Unless of course, Josh and I are traveling back to PA, in which case I'm not going to exercise while I'm vacationing. Second, I would like to get up before 10am every day, and get moving at a decent time. There are things that I could be getting done in the morning. Especially if I know I have to work and laundry or dishes desperately need done, I need to wake up earlier and get those things done before work. Third, I would like to make it more of a point to have devotional time every day, not just when I remember once or twice a week. Fourth, I would like to spend more time playing my guitar and singing. Fifth, and this will be my last, I would like to attempt to be a little more out-going with the girls from work. Christine has talked about going out to lunch before but I've never attempted to make a reciprocal "let's hang out" offer. Also, Michelle is coming back to work soon, and I should offer to help her with the baby some day if she needs to get things accomplished around the house. Kelly invited me out to drinks the one night, and it fell through, but perhaps we could find something else to do. And I need to get better about giving back to my girls at work. I ask for an awful lot of help when I'm working, hey guys can you do this, hey guys, can someone do that. It's about time I give back. I have responsibilities as a member of the team, it's about time I've stepped up. This isn't just a J.O.B. This is my career, and it's about time I start treating it that way. I need to set up dentist and eye appointments for Josh and I. Also, reaching out at church is a big one. We've started a good friendship/relationship with several people in the church, I don't need to be afraid to go - even by myself. And if I can get to care-group, that would be magnificent. Maybe I could find someone to trade me if I'm working the 2nd and 4th mondays of the month. I think that falls on my weekend off though. Anyways, I'm rambling now - but here's my list of highly ambitious resolutions and goals for the new year. Lord, Please hear my prayers, please help me to get better at my sinful habits, and help me to rest in you each and every day. Help me to follow your word, and crave to know you better. Give me a hopeful and giving heart. All of these things I pray in your precious name, Amen.

Love, Sara

Mind over matter

I just finished a little work-a-thon with three days working, one day off, and another three days working. Realistically - looking back, I was tired, but it wasn't impossible or unmanageable. I made it seem like it though. I whined and complained and talked about how tired I waaassss... I look at others who have children at home to care for and work 6 day stretches solid all the time, and still have time for family and a social life. I know of one woman in particular who works 2 jobs and has 3 children at home. I look at them in envy, because I would love to pick up extra hours to make a nice pay-check, and I would love to have more time to dedicate to keeping our apartment clean or making sure the laundry's done. I feel lazy and inadequate. Some of it is energy level...I do believe that it's possible to over-load yourself and burn out, but I'm guessing that most of it is my state-of-mind. I dread going to work, and I think "Oh, I've worked 3 days, so I'm tired". If only my thinking were different.. would that still be the case? I look at this woman I was talking about - and she's just SO optimistic and upbeat. Even if she's handed the worst assignment on the board, she's ready for it, smiling all the way. I have that "dread" feeling as soon as I walk in the doors and see that there are 20 patients on the unit. It's a state-of-mind that's keeping me from glorifying God. I'm sure with my moaning and complaining and making drama out of every single situation at work I'm not glorifying God. I'm not setting a very good example for Christians with how I'm behaving. I need to change it, I need to fix it! This isn't good! It's that feeling that I'm privileged to days off and to rest and relaxation, I'm privileged to a decent assignment at work, I'm privileged to spend a day vegging out and being unproductive when there's laundry and dishes and dog hair everywhere. I'm privileged to sleep in till 9:30 every morning and when I don't get to I'm privileged to be a grouch. Realistically, I'm blessed to be breathing. Blessed that I can do that laundry or the dishes, or go to work and provide for my family. I'm blessed with work in this struggling economy. That's needs to be my state-of-mind at ALL times. Dearest friends, I'll keep praying. But please pray for me as well. Thank you, Lord!

Love, Sara

Graduating Nursing School Anniversary

It's been an entire year since I graduated! How crazy! This means 2 things. a.) I'm not technically a new grad anymore, and b.) I have 9 months experience at the job I'm at now! I will have over 6months on the D200 unit alone. And hopefully will have ACLS under my belt at that point. Oh goodness I need to sign up for my BLS renewal, and figure out what in the world is going on with the EBP stuff at work. I really want to be a part of this committee, but they are all pretty experienced nurses, and I feel out of place. Not to mention Deb Pichette is there with the staffing effectiveness committee and won't make conversation with me to save her life. That upsets me. BUT this post isn't to complain. It's to celebrate and thank God for the many wonderful things he's done in my life - provide a job, a steady job with health inurance and benefits, provide the knowledge and grace to get through nursing school, provide competence and grace every day to get me through my days as a nurse. It's scary business, holding someone's life in your hands. I should see this preceptor thing as a challenge - for me to perform in the best way that I can, being completely and 100% accurate. That's how I will view it. Thank you Lord, for the many many blessings you've given me. I pray that you would keep me humble, remind me that I'm not priviledged to anything and give me a thankful heart. Amen!

Love, Sara

Anxiety

Something that I battle with all too often. Anxiety about leaving the apartment, about going to work, about going to the gym even.. Ridiculous anxiety, for no good reason. I always feel better about myself when I go out and get things accomplished, but my brain tells me "just sit here a little while longer..." "You don't need to go to the store right this minute..." and sometimes I fall victim to its requests. Then, I let time slip away until it's too late to get the thing accomplished that I was going to do, and I feel hugely guilty to Josh. It's then, a vicious cycle because I have even more things to get accomplished for the next day, and not much time to do them all in. Dishes, laundry, take Rigby for a walk, call the family, make dentist appointments, make vision appointments, bake more christmas cookies. I wish that was a make-believe list, but it's my real list of things to do today, save for christmas cookies, and after 3 days off to get everything under the sun accomplished, I have to work today. It's frustrating and pitiful that I let my anxiety get the best of me. It's annoying that I waste 3 perfectly good days off. I need to learn to function on my own at some point in my life. I need to learn to lean on God and let him motivate me to be a productive member of society. I need to trust God with finances, and big life decisions. The house that Josh and I have been watching closely in Pittsburgh has disappeared from one of the realty websites - which most likely means it was sold. This only added to my depression and defeat yesterday, but that's silly of me. I need to realize that if God didn't have it planned for us, it won't work out that well. I would rather have what God has planned than to go against the grain and meet resistance at every step trying to get something that I want. God is good, he will give me what I need, and sometimes even what I want. How is it so easy to forget these truths? But I can remember how to say "where is your pain?" in Spanish after a small lesson from Josh - It's just silly. I really need to spend more time delving into scripture and practicing real truths than hiding in my apartment pining over my lack of family and friends at arm's length. Work is good for me - an object in motion stays in motion. An object at rest, stays at rest. It always seems like a good idea to have a 'veg' day, but I always, always 100% of the time regret it. Never once have I felt like - Yeah! That was a great veg day!, I'm always tired, miserable, feel like I haven't accomplished anything and all I want to do is sleep. That's another thing that needs to change - waking up at a decent hour and getting started with my day before 11am. But, we'll do small steps for now. One thing at a time for now. Please, friends - whoever reads this silly Blog, pray for me. Pray that God would intervene in my life and remind me of His truths when I'm lost in darkness. Pray that I would remind myself of His truths too. Lord, thank you for this gift of life, this wonderful life I have. Teach me to be content, and help me to trust in you with all my heart, soul, body, mind. Please, Lord intervene in my life. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Love, Sara

Trust in the Lord

Tonight, as I was decorating out small apartment with lights and nativity scene, I was day-dreaming of having a house someday, in which we could decorate the outside too. But then I realized that the only Christmas decorations we have are 2 strings of lights, a nativity scene gifted to us from my mother, a wreath gifted to us from my mother-in-law, and the tree decorations (in blue and brown - I was obsessed with our wedding colors). I've thought this several times... when/if we move into a house, it will be rather empty for a period of time. It's lucky for us that we're even able to entertain the thought of moving into a house at this period in our lives. But I look at time as slipping away! I'm already 23 years old! I want to have children before I'm 30. But we'll still be paying off student loans for another 12 years, and we'll still be paying off our car for another 5 years. How and when do children come into the mix? And how on earth are we going to save up for a down-payment on a house in this economy, and with a single income? But it always comes back to trusting in God. Trusting that God will provide, trusting in His perfect timing, trusting in His perfect plan. Also, NOT trusting in the things of this world. Being content with what we have, not what we could have in the future. Being content doing His work, not having my life goal to own a big beautiful house with expensive jewelry and clothes, but serving God humbly. Delving into the Bible every morning instead of perusing "Real Simple Magazine". Trusting in God.

Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."

I need frequent reminding of these things, but God is gracious and is patient with me. He will continue to remind me gently, and guide me in the right direction. Until then, pray for me, that I would strive to live for God and die to myself.

Love, Sara

The past 2 weeks have been jam-packed with work, work and more work, as well as a mock-trial and a trip to Boston in between. I'm happy to be having today and tomorrow off, and looking forward to the weekend in which Josh and I will pick and decorate a christmas tree, I'll start making cookies, decorating the apartment, and all that fun stuff! I'm in the Christmas spirit, as they say.

I'm also excited that I've been accepted for the dysrhythmia course at work - after I pass this course, I can move forward and get my ACLS certification. I thought I'd be one to sit back and enjoy monotony after I graduated nursing school, but I guess I'm just used to the fire under my buns, and need to continue making achievements. (which is never a bad thing). I'm looking forward to hopefully getting a job in Pittsburgh, in which I can support our little family until Josh is able to get a job. But as always, these are our plans, not God's plans - and his plans, are the only plans to live by.

It's a rainy day outside, which is actually kind of perfect for today. I want to take it easy, take it slow, get a few things around the house done, and heal. There is so much Rigby hair floating everywhere that I can hardly stand it! And Josh is on his last pair of boxers, which means that laundry must be done. A few groceries for the house, the dishes - cleaning all of the left-overs that were never touched out of the fridge, and making dinner. Perhaps throw some quilting and reading in there, and it sounds like a full and perfect day. Josh is going to be rather busy with school today and tomorrow, so it's somewhat perfect that I have so much to keep me busy.

Ever thankful for...
1.) Christmas lights, music, and the message of Christ
2.) The light pitter-patter of rain outside
3.) Sitting down with my morning cup of coffee once again
4.) Not waking up in the middle of the night with stomach issues
5.) Quilting projects

Love! Sara

Bad days...

I feel in a funk today. I feel pessimistic and gloomy. I had a bad night at work last night, and I'm picking up a bunch of extra hours this week, so I'm pretty tired by this point. I have to see the good in things though. I have to be thankful even so.

1.) I'm thankful that we can pay our bills.
2.) I'm thankful for sunshine outside
3.) the Christmas season
4.) my friends at work that make things so much better - even during a bad day.
5.) always and ever thankful for my wonderful husband.

Just like Josh is looking forward to Christmas break, I have to look forward to my breaks too, I have a 2 day and then a 3 day stretch coming up that I can relax, get things around the apartment accomplished and prepare for Christmas. I'm so looking forward to Christmas this year - I think it will be a lot of fun! I do feel bad that after 2pm I must leave Josh behind to fend for himself while I go to work. There's also a stretch of 5 days where we intend to journey back to Indiana and Clearfield Pennsylvania in January. How exciting! See, there are always bright things to look forward to in periods of gloom. Amen!

Love, Sara