Now that the wedding is over, I have night shift to look forward to. I start my first night shift on Tuesday 7p-7a. I only have this week and next of orientation, and then I'm on my own. Almost two months down at St. Margaret's 3B, at least 10 more to go. At the end of July Josh and I get to go to North Carolina with the Browns for a few days, which I'm extremely looking forward to. I'm so looking forward to beach-bumming it for a few days, and taking a vacation from this crazy non-stop life.
Despite all of these fun things, I found myself terribly down yesterday. I'm struggling with materialism and wanting things of this world so darn bad. I look at others our age that have nice things - clothes, houses... I feel like Josh and I will just never get there. It's been 2 years that we've been struggling to get by, and living in apartments, and Josh won't take the Bar until February... and won't find out whether he passed or not until May, let alone finding a job in the city. I want a house of my own that I can hang pictures on the walls if I want and paint if I want and plant a garden in the back yard if I want... I'm being a bit ridiculous - this apartment is great. We have a nice little back yard that Rigby can roam around in, and the kitchen is huge and wonderful... It's just so hard to see what some people have and want to have that too. And it's hard to see other couples with such stability, and us still being in "limbo" with school and only one income. I will continue to pray that God would take these desires away from me, and that I would find contentedness in the here and now. That I would trust in God and his plan, and not become discouraged.
Amen.
-Sara
You are so right... There are things that others have... but if you think about it, they have lots of bills to pay for all that 'stuff', too. I am sure it is hard for you to live in an apartment when you are used to always living in houses with yards and gardens... but, whatever God has in store for you, it will come... in HIS time. Not ours.
ReplyDeleteI always dreamed of having a flower garden at our Goshen house. I can actually picture it in my head... I even have a name for my garden... with the trellis we'll have to walk under to get into the expanse of flowers and trails, throughout the garden. Well, as you see, we are not in Goshen, and probably never will be. [We are going to sell the house actually]. So, a few months ago I have decided to have my 'Garden of Weedin' at all the places that God plants us in along the way of our ministry life. We have to adapt in life.
I know this is easier said than done... But, the scriptures comes to mind... Romans 5:3-5... "but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Hang in there, Baby... your time will come!! I love you bunches!
Cousin Chris
Don't feel blue. I know exactly the feeling you are talking about, the one where you have no idea how you will afford those dreams you have for your life, and pray your heart out. But you are so right that if we pray to be content and thank God for what we have that we are in turn blessed beyond compare. At least, that is what I have found. John and I don't have a lot of money and we have to save for everything but I find everyday an adventure. Love you Lil Sara
ReplyDeleteHi Sara...I read your blog this morning and what came to mind was your humility, transparency, and baring the truth in your heart. I know that pleases God and I'm so happy Josh has a wife that walks humbly. That spoke to me and it is God's grace in your life that you can not only see it, but acknowledge it. I remember having those same very thoughts as a young wife too. I never thought we'd own a home!! Now my goal is to live more simply!! It's ok to have those desires because God gives you the desires of your heart. You are perfectly stating it all by acknowleging what you have and how you are grateful for it all. I believe God is pleased with your heart and He will grace you and bless you with perseverance to walk the path He has for the both of you. As you stated before, great things are already in your life and I know greater things will be coming too! Hope this isn't weird coming from your mother in law!! Your heart inspired me today and just wanted to tell you. You are precious and I'm so happy Josh has you! Oh, and I'll help you miracle grow your beautiful garden someday too!! <3, Sue
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is off topic but I totally just read the majority of your blog...so much of what you say makes me feel like you are writing from my mind! You inspired me to create my own blog ( i have a tumblr for photographs of the boys but not one that i journal).
ReplyDeleteIm def. going to be reading this blog. You write with such eloquence and truth. I love that God is so huge in your life! It's a breath of fresh air!
After reading this (saw your link on stephen's FB page), im kicking myself for not getting to know you more! I do apologize.
i hope you are enjoying life in Pittsburgh...who know's maybe one day we will be there too LOL.
Here is my first post, which i thought i would shout out to you since i talked about you :P
http://insidepaperhearts.wordpress.com/
Stephanie Kirsch