Grandfather's passing

As we were in Duck, North Carolina, I received "the call" from my mom that my grandfather had passed away. A sense of relief washed over me at those words. My grandfather has been suffering for the past several months; in excruciating pain with bone cancer and pressure ulcers up and down his spine due to being bed-ridden and not taking in proper nutrition. My mom and her fiance Rodney have been taking care of him for the past 3 years. They dedicated their lives during that time to care for him and made numerous sacrifices. So as you can see, the relief was two-fold. A.) My grandfather is in heaven with his long lost bride with a new body free of pain and suffering rejoicing with God. and B.) My mom can breathe a little easier, and get her life back. She did an incredibly selfless and noble thing by giving up so much to care for her dad. I hope that if I'm faced with that situation someday I can do the same for my father.

I got cancelled from work today, which is also a blessing, because we've been going going going since we got back from North Carolina. I think I needed some time to sit and think on God, and spend some real quality not-rushed time in my bible and praying. Last night I was really struggling again with finding joy in things that are unpleasant for me - namely my job. I also got the feeling that God was far from me, and that I haven't felt him lately, and why would he want me to struggle like this? Josh and I had a long talk about "perspective" and not focusing on my job, but on God, and quite honestly I felt like I just didn't know how to do that. I felt like...my job is concrete, real.. it's something I have to do, something I touch and interact with. God is different. ... but then I started thinking.. yes, God is different. God is all-knowing.. he's the beginning and the end, and if it weren't for him, I would be dead right now. Sometimes it's easy for me to feel utterly exhausted and defeated, but my mom always told me "God will never give you more than you can handle" and Romans 5 tells us that suffering produces strength, and strength produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. I may be paraphrasing a little bit, but that's how I remember it. It's hard to remember that sometimes, especially in difficult times. But God always redirects me when I go astray - like a good shepherd.

-Sara