A swift kick in the rump.

I met with a friend recently for lunch to catch up, and I realized that I could be doing so much more. I don't think I've had a wake-up call like that in a long time. She seemed so devoted to God and God's plan, and doing things for her church... I almost felt ashamed at how shaky my faith has been recently on getting a different job; - Something that I don't even need to sustain us. I also read "The Blazing Center" a blog by the pastors of my old church in Indiana (Sovereign Grace) and it talked about being spread too thin, and how you can see God's glory through that sometimes - because heaven knows we can't do everything on our own, and by our own strength. I'm hardly stretched at all. The only thing demanding about my life right now is my work schedule and lack of sleep directly related to said work schedule. I'm not overly involved in church - I go to care group when I have off, and I go to church when I have off, but that's it. I'm not thinking of ways that I can help others on a daily basis, I'm thinking of how miserable I am doing a job that I don't like. It just makes me realize how easy it is to get caught up in selfishness. I know (now) that God will provide for us, and if this research position is better for us, it will work out. If not? Then it's not what's best for us, it's not what God has planned for us, and ultimately I won't be happy doing it - because I won't be fulfilling God's work.

I have a tendency to have this "all or none" view on things as well - have since I was a little kid. If I can't read a book by the end of the summer, don't read it. If I can't finish a journal entry by the time I have to be somewhere, don't even start writing. I've been having that view on life... I'm going to be stuck doing this for forever, and if I don't find something better before we try to start a family well then I'm going to be stuck doing this forever! I think it's also easy for me to give up. I used to finish strong at every cross country race, even if my legs were jello and I was so oxygen deprived I was dizzy, I would still finish strong. I don't do that anymore. Even with little work-outs at the gym... let alone real life. I see the finish line and think, eh.. I'm close enough. I'll just stop right here. There's nothing admirable about that. I need to put effort into every day. I need to do my job to the best of my abilities until God provides a different job, or even if he doesn't... The apostles endured a whole lot more than I am right now. I may get smacked around by patients every once in a while, but I haven't been stoned or imprisoned... and goodness knows I'm able to pay for our rent and groceries. So this post... is basically a kick in my rump. To get my attitude in a better place, to do more for God and our church, and to take it one day at a time, instead of all or none.

-Sara