Grace

God knows me better than I know myself, and this has really become apparent to me the past couple days. I've been reading C. S. Lewis's book "Mere Christianity", and it has been challenging me and opening my eyes to things I didn't see before. So, I've decided to rise to the challenge and really Listen to god, really learn what I was missing and really pray and work on the things he shows me. That should have been happening all along in my life, but unfortunately it wasn't. I thought I was pretty alright compared with some people I've seen, until I started feeling so empty inside and unhappy with everything in my life, and worst of all taking all these things out on my patient and loving husband. But god found me where I was and wreaked havoc until I (being the stubborn person I am) finally turned to him. How much less stress I feel, how much more at peace I feel. I said before I knew god was in control but I didn't mean what I said... I was still hanging on for dear life.

Hopefully this is just a preview of things to come, and I know everyday won't be charged with a good feeling, but those are the days to think with the mind and not the heart.

Love, Sara

Finding my Niche'

As I've started my "wellness plan" I'm learning things about myself. This is day 8 of no diet coke. I can proudly say I'm living without it, and I haven't gained mucho weight because of drinking other things with calories. I didn't quite get the "squeaky clean detox" feeling I was looking for, but that's alright, I know I'm bettering myself. I've started researching yoga, and how I can benefit from it. I've started looking at substituting refined foods with raw pure foods. I haven't had a complete transformation - Just had homemade pizza with enriched white bread dough for the base. But these are small steps, and small steps are all that matters.

Same thing goes for Christianity. Small steps. Lots of small steps. I can expect the world from myself sometimes, and I get really discouraged when I fail at something, but I'm trying to jump across a canyon, and a hop-scotch sized jump is more what I need to be expecting from myself. This is not to say it's a good idea to drop expectations, no. Great things are expected from me as a christian. It's just a good idea to remind myself sometimes, that yes... great things are expected - but if I fail, God still loves me anyways. I'm an imperfect human being full of a sinful nature that will never go away. I should battle against sin with all my might, but sometimes I will lose the battle. The important thing is to get back up, and start fighting again.

It's easy to look at our situation and get bummed because going out and buying a bible cover or spending money on an inspirational journal or inspirational book costs money that we don't have to spare. It's easy to feel suffocated and defeated by life. But I need to remember God's truths. Philippians 4:8 Finally Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Love, Sara

Wellness Plan

I was telling Josh just the other day that we're at the age where we need to take care of our bodies and eat healthy, get enough exercise and such and such. Realistically it would have been nice to have started that 23 years ago, but anywho... Due to this desire to be around for all major children events in the future and hopefully grandchildren events as well, I've decided to concoct a wellness plan. Part of this plan, (giving up diet coke) is in effect due to the fact that I just had part of my face drilled at the Dentist, and it's painful - so I'd like to avoid future cavities if at all possible. I don't drink enough water in a 24 hour period, and that's the first thing I'd like to change. Second, I don't get to the gym enough - and I'd like to try to get there more often, with or without Josh. Of course I'd love for him to be there with me, but he does have a lot on his plate with school and such. Also in this category, I want to start a yoga/meditation/prayer/relaxation routine in the morning. Thirdly, I'd like to cut out processed foods. Start eating whole veggies and fruits, less chips and crackers and more "pure" foods. This of course with be a long drawn-out process... Finally, as I said before - diet coke and other things that may erode my teeth need to be taken out of the mix. No more painful cavities!

So there you have it, I'll be sure to journal with my successes and failures. haha.

As always, Love Sara

Stress management journal

I've been trying a few things on for this "stress management" thing. Yesterday, I went through some "relaxing" yoga poses while praying for inner peace, and for anything else I could think of. I prayed that God would help me let go of my death grip on my life, and help me to live out His plan for me instead of being obsessed with how I would like things to go. I felt very relaxed after doing this! So much so, that I took Rigby for a walk, made myself some lunch, and did the dishes before getting ready for work.

Then I got to work... and it was that same old crazy busy, heart's beating a million beats a minute stressed out, shoulders all tensed up feeling. So, I've decided... first my goal will be to get my stress under control at home, and then I will remind myself to say prayers at work, and see how that goes. Of course, this is all under God's control... and I need to trust in Him. Trust.

Love, Sara

Stress management

Yesterday, I attended a stress management class at work. I voluntarily signed up for this course, because I feel "burned out". This class was not the greatest class in the world, I have to admit. I did take one thing away from it though - my impact on others when I'm stressed out. My attitude toward others and how I react to situations. The effects on my health, (which I already had a pretty good idea about)... It made me realize that I need to try a little harder to get my stress under control. So, here's the first part of my "stress journal". The things that stress me out most, are money, work, not having enough hours in a day, and feeling tired all the time. Money has two parts - income, which I can control, and output which is somewhat under my control. Unexpected expenses like my dental bill I definitely cannot. Work, I cannot control. The only thing I can control at work is my attitude. I cannot control that there never seems to be enough hours in a day, but I believe that plays off of me feeling tired and burnt out all the time. I can control when I go to bed, and when I wake up, and how many naps I take. So there we have it - the things I can control, and the things I cannot control. There are other little things that stress me out, but those are the big ones.

The way that I react to such things varies - when I'm stressed from work, I become isolated and don't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I have stomach issues, and my heart palpitates. Finances, I can feel my heart racing, and I feel condemned. "All-or-nothing" thinking starts taking over, like I'll "never" be able to buy anything for myself ever again. When I feel overwhelmed by the things I would like to get done and the amount of time I have to do those things, I shut down and don't do any of them. And when I'm awfully tired, I sleep - 12 hours a day. I never feel like going to the gym, because I'm tired. It would be fantastic stress management to go to the gym, but then it comes back to not having enough hours in a day. I would like to go to the gym every day, but that would mean I'd have to get up earlier, or rearrange my morning in some other way, such as giving up my morning routine.

In my first post - it has been my goal to identify my major stressors, the things I can and cannot change, and my reaction to those stressors. Next time, I will be looking at what I can do to lower stress.

-Sara