Fall

Happy Halloween Everyone! As promised, here are some pictures of what we've been up to this fall!

IUP homecoming, Phantom Fright Night at Kennywood - a first for us, and it was totally a blast! And finally our tradition of picking a pumpkin at Reager's farm in Indiana, PA. (which we still have yet to carve). There are many more pictures on facebook that you can take a look at if you wish.

I can't believe that we're already heading into November! How exciting! I'll do my best to be a little more regular at posting. As for now, to snuggle up with a warm blanket and get through this rainy day.

-Sara

It's been a while...

God' been really working on my heart lately. I was having some inner spiritual battles about who knows what's best for my life - me or God. God always wins, and it's a good thing or I'd have my life driven right into the ground. I've applied for several research positions, but I haven't heard anything - and most likely won't as they all require research experience, which I do not have. But I've come to terms with the fact that this is temporary, and I'm here at St. Margaret's for a reason. God will see me through this time in my life - and I'm sure there will be bigger better things in the future, and even if there aren't, God is in control... and I can find comfort in that.

Josh graduates law school in just one short month! November 30th is his last day at the immigration law firm, and then it's on to Bar prep! I'm excited for him. I'm sure he'll do well, and he's very much looking forward to getting a job and helping to support our small "family". He's been my strength during this season of life, and I'm so thankful that he's here with me. I can't imagine trying to deal with my job if he was all the way in New Hampshire. God comes to the rescue once again.

So what's on the horizon for us now? Well, house hunting for one. We've realized that we could be paying about the same amount for rent/mortgage and utilities but having a place of our own and building equity. I've talked to our pastor about getting involved with worship team at church. Not sure how that will work out, but at least it's a start. I'm going to do my best that I can at work for the time being. November 21st will be my 6 month mark, and then I'm half-way to when I can transfer within UPMC. I'm not sure that I will transfer at this point, however it is nice to know that the option is out there. I have lots of fun pictures to post, but that's for next time. This post is just to let y'all know I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. =]

Thanks for reading.
Sara

A swift kick in the rump.

I met with a friend recently for lunch to catch up, and I realized that I could be doing so much more. I don't think I've had a wake-up call like that in a long time. She seemed so devoted to God and God's plan, and doing things for her church... I almost felt ashamed at how shaky my faith has been recently on getting a different job; - Something that I don't even need to sustain us. I also read "The Blazing Center" a blog by the pastors of my old church in Indiana (Sovereign Grace) and it talked about being spread too thin, and how you can see God's glory through that sometimes - because heaven knows we can't do everything on our own, and by our own strength. I'm hardly stretched at all. The only thing demanding about my life right now is my work schedule and lack of sleep directly related to said work schedule. I'm not overly involved in church - I go to care group when I have off, and I go to church when I have off, but that's it. I'm not thinking of ways that I can help others on a daily basis, I'm thinking of how miserable I am doing a job that I don't like. It just makes me realize how easy it is to get caught up in selfishness. I know (now) that God will provide for us, and if this research position is better for us, it will work out. If not? Then it's not what's best for us, it's not what God has planned for us, and ultimately I won't be happy doing it - because I won't be fulfilling God's work.

I have a tendency to have this "all or none" view on things as well - have since I was a little kid. If I can't read a book by the end of the summer, don't read it. If I can't finish a journal entry by the time I have to be somewhere, don't even start writing. I've been having that view on life... I'm going to be stuck doing this for forever, and if I don't find something better before we try to start a family well then I'm going to be stuck doing this forever! I think it's also easy for me to give up. I used to finish strong at every cross country race, even if my legs were jello and I was so oxygen deprived I was dizzy, I would still finish strong. I don't do that anymore. Even with little work-outs at the gym... let alone real life. I see the finish line and think, eh.. I'm close enough. I'll just stop right here. There's nothing admirable about that. I need to put effort into every day. I need to do my job to the best of my abilities until God provides a different job, or even if he doesn't... The apostles endured a whole lot more than I am right now. I may get smacked around by patients every once in a while, but I haven't been stoned or imprisoned... and goodness knows I'm able to pay for our rent and groceries. So this post... is basically a kick in my rump. To get my attitude in a better place, to do more for God and our church, and to take it one day at a time, instead of all or none.

-Sara

childhood dreams

The other day, I was day-dreaming about my old high school days, about waking up in the morning and training for cross country, the beautiful woods and hills that we would see back behind the CHS. I remember one time running down this hill that leads to the back entrance of the school, and there was a black bear off in the distance. It was so quiet out there that I could just barely hear its footsteps rustling in the leaves on the ground. It was an awesome experience. I also remember running in this one spot where there's an overlook of the entire valley, and you can see a bright red barn with farm animals grazing in the pastures, and big trees shading the road with not a car in sight.

I also remember singing all the time. Singing with my brother accompanying me on piano, singing with my ipod on the track bus, singing in the talent show, with jvezz and claire... I pulled out my guitar yesterday to bring some of that back in my life, but it's just not the same (my voice isn't what it used to be)... I wonder.... is it normal for childhood dreams to die like this? The three things I loved most in high school were band, singing, and running. Obviously there aren't many marching bands out there I could become a part of. But singing and running, I can still do those things - at least until my knees give out.

Lately I've been really struggling with contentment in my job and our current location. I miss the country a lot - not used to city life. I'm sure that will change with time, but I also feel like my job limits my ability to join in things, however.. that doesn't mean I shouldn't try anyways. And... I saw a good bit of wisdom on my sister-in-law's blog that I will share too, God has placed us here for some reason, so I might as well try to make the best of it. And I have this job for some reason, so I might as well get through it. And most importantly, I need to trying living for God for a change - and being so caught up in him that I couldn't care less about my job or living in the city. These are my goals for the upcoming "season of life". Get back into running and singing, and find contentment in God.

Love, Sara

Summer's ending

Summer is winding down, it's the middle of August now! On August 7th, Josh and I celebrated 2 years of marriage. Hard to believe that much time has passed already. I'm looking forward to many more years with him - my best friend. We've had quite a few crazy memories, quite a few adventures. We moved to a state 10 hours away and back again, discovered New England, visited the southern part of the country on our last anniversary... We've led a pretty blessed life together thus far.

 That following weekend after our anniversary, we journeyed back to Clearfield for my grandfather's memorial service. It was a difficult time, and yet it was a relief as well. His suffering is over, but it was sad looking back at his life, and our lives together to realize that he won't be there (in person) anymore. And it was also the last of my grandparents to go be with the Lord. It was nice to catch up with family and spend some time helping mom get things settled around the house though.

It's hard to believe that another season of life has passed. We're back into fall, and then winter - and on and on. I've been enjoying our time here for the most part - living in the city when you're used to wide open fields and tons of space does take a little getting used to, and at times I feel the need to just get away from it all, but we have been doing pretty well with that. I look forward to "the next step". Josh will have an internship with the immigration law firm this fall, and then he will take the BAR in February if all goes according to plan. Then we shall see what God has planned for us! Until then, I'm focusing on being grateful for the small things, the mundane, and simple beauty in the world. =]

Love, Sara

Grandfather's passing

As we were in Duck, North Carolina, I received "the call" from my mom that my grandfather had passed away. A sense of relief washed over me at those words. My grandfather has been suffering for the past several months; in excruciating pain with bone cancer and pressure ulcers up and down his spine due to being bed-ridden and not taking in proper nutrition. My mom and her fiance Rodney have been taking care of him for the past 3 years. They dedicated their lives during that time to care for him and made numerous sacrifices. So as you can see, the relief was two-fold. A.) My grandfather is in heaven with his long lost bride with a new body free of pain and suffering rejoicing with God. and B.) My mom can breathe a little easier, and get her life back. She did an incredibly selfless and noble thing by giving up so much to care for her dad. I hope that if I'm faced with that situation someday I can do the same for my father.

I got cancelled from work today, which is also a blessing, because we've been going going going since we got back from North Carolina. I think I needed some time to sit and think on God, and spend some real quality not-rushed time in my bible and praying. Last night I was really struggling again with finding joy in things that are unpleasant for me - namely my job. I also got the feeling that God was far from me, and that I haven't felt him lately, and why would he want me to struggle like this? Josh and I had a long talk about "perspective" and not focusing on my job, but on God, and quite honestly I felt like I just didn't know how to do that. I felt like...my job is concrete, real.. it's something I have to do, something I touch and interact with. God is different. ... but then I started thinking.. yes, God is different. God is all-knowing.. he's the beginning and the end, and if it weren't for him, I would be dead right now. Sometimes it's easy for me to feel utterly exhausted and defeated, but my mom always told me "God will never give you more than you can handle" and Romans 5 tells us that suffering produces strength, and strength produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. I may be paraphrasing a little bit, but that's how I remember it. It's hard to remember that sometimes, especially in difficult times. But God always redirects me when I go astray - like a good shepherd.

-Sara

My battle with Nursing

If you haven't seen on facebook, Josh got an internship with the immigration law firm! It isn't paid, but at least he will not be leaving me for New Hampshire.

I had my first night at work off orientation and it was pretty rough. I find myself once again questioning my chosen profession of nursing... if I'm cut out for this job, if I can continue to do this for a long time - it's really exhausting switching from days to nights, and being responsible for 5-6 patient's lives at one time. As I was talking with Josh last night, I realized though - that more than the stress of the job and all the responsibility, I don't like what it has taken from me. My goal when I was in college (before ever meeting Josh) was to start my job as a nurse in small-ville PA, find a guy, get married, have babies, become a member of the worship team at my local church and maybe even become a care group leader (along with prospective husband) and live happily ever after. Well... I'm not in small-ville PA, that's for sure. I did marry the love of my life, and someday children will be on the horizon, but those other things - getting really connected with the church, and becoming a member of the worship team? I feel like I can't commit to anything.. because my schedule is so crazy, and I can't be at church every Sunday because I work every other weekend. I also had the thought that after Josh and I got settled in Pittsburgh I would try to join a choral group or something like my brother does with a local college in Scranton.. there has to be a ton of opportunity in the city. Then I realized in order to become a part of something like that you need to be able to commit to rehearsals, and heck - performances too!

Music has always been a huge part of my life, before nursing was ever a blip on the radar. And I'm so sad that it's falling away from me. I never sing anymore. I haven't played the piano in months and months... And not all of that is entirely because of nursing, I understand that. Part of it is my initiative to pick up the guitar or sing along with the radio when I'm home doing nothing. I guess, I'm asking for prayers - pray that God would tell me where I'm supposed to be, and if this is what he would have me doing right now, pray that I would be content, and that I would find joy in doing his will. Thank you Friends, and Praise the Lord for answered prayers regarding Josh's internship!

Thanks, Sara.

Faith

Josh has an interview with an immigration law firm today at 1:30pm. I pray we would know even today if he is able to get the externship, and we could rest easy knowing that he doesn't have to go back to New Hampshire. I feel like normally I would have faith with a situation like this - that whatever is to happen is God's will, and even if it was not what we were hoping for, it is the better option - and we would be unhappy if we got what we wanted and God's will was not done. However, I fear for my strength if Josh goes. I fear that even if that's what God has planned, I won't be able to make it through. And I find myself so anxious over this interview and the answer that follows the interview for those reasons. Even if the road is hard, I must have faith. I must trust in the Lord.

Lately I've been finding it hard to wiggle in bible-reading time due to my flip-flopping schedule (I started working night shift this past week - more to come on that later). Not that working night shift is ever an excuse... but anyways.. I can feel myself suffering from it... from not reading, not praying, not thinking of God. Bad thoughts, resentment and bitterness, materialism, envy, I've been an emotional wreck to top it all off - which could be due to sleep deprivation as well, but either way! My life really suffers when I don't spend time with God reading the bible and praying. I know this happens, and yet I still find myself rather getting just 15 more minutes of sleep or doing the dishes real quick before I go to work instead of taking time in the Word before a long shift. It's my goal to keep on this. To make reading my bible and spending some quality time with the Lord my priority. There will always be dishes in the sink, and realistically 15 minutes of sleep isn't going to do a whole lot.

Today I read Romans chapter 4. verses 20-25 read: "Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. And because of Abraham's faith, God counted him as righteous. And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn't just for Abraham's benefit. It was recorded for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God." NLT


Faith is a huge part of a relationship with God. Faith that He will provide, faith that His Will will be carried out, faith that he will not give me more than I can handle, faith that He will keep his promises. I must have faith.

<3 Sara

Photo credit NLBBC.org bible/heart picture

White wedding

This past weekend, my big brother finally tied the knot with his high school sweetheart, Brandy Hale - now Brandy Dixon! It was a beautiful wedding in Williamsport, PA with very much of their personalities thrown into the mix. They had a live brass quintet at the ceremony and very unique intro and outro music. Their pastor Jeff preached a message about how marriage in their eyes was the next great adventure, and following that "adventure theme", they exited the ceremony to Indiana Jones theme song. There was laughter, and tears of joy - and amazing food and cake. I wish I had more pictures to show... but here's one anyways..

Now that the wedding is over, I have night shift to look forward to. I start my first night shift on Tuesday 7p-7a. I only have this week and next of orientation, and then I'm on my own. Almost two months down at St. Margaret's 3B, at least 10 more to go. At the end of July Josh and I get to go to North Carolina with the Browns for a few days, which I'm extremely looking forward to. I'm so looking forward to beach-bumming it for a few days, and taking a vacation from this crazy non-stop life.

Despite all of these fun things, I found myself terribly down yesterday. I'm struggling with materialism and wanting things of this world so darn bad. I look at others our age that have nice things - clothes, houses... I feel like Josh and I will just never get there. It's been 2 years that we've been struggling to get by, and living in apartments, and Josh won't take the Bar until February... and won't find out whether he passed or not until May, let alone finding a job in the city. I want a house of my own that I can hang pictures on the walls if I want and paint if I want and plant a garden in the back yard if I want... I'm being a bit ridiculous - this apartment is great. We have a nice little back yard that Rigby can roam around in, and the kitchen is huge and wonderful... It's just so hard to see what some people have and want to have that too. And it's hard to see other couples with such stability, and us still being in "limbo" with school and only one income. I will continue to pray that God would take these desires away from me, and that I would find contentedness in the here and now. That I would trust in God and his plan, and not become discouraged.
Amen.

-Sara

The Summer

We still haven't heard anything about internships for the fall, so continued prayers would be much appreciated. Josh and I have been pretty busy since arriving in Pittsburgh, and that's not ending anytime soon either.

We have many places to go, many people to see and many wonderful lifetime events to be a part of. In just a few short weeks my big brother will be tying the knot with his high school sweet-heart Brandy Hale in Williamsport, PA. Both Josh and I are in the bridal party which is super fun and exciting. Can't wait =]

Then, I suppose our "next big thing" is vacation with the Browns in Duck, NC. I LOVE the beach, and thoroughly enjoy going with them. It's a great time, and a much needed break from the real world. That will be the last week in July/first week in August. This time we're way up the coast away from all the hub-bub of Nags Head, which I like. It's refreshing to sit out on the porch in the mornings and read my bible with just the sound of waves in the background, and smell of salt in the air. Josh and I plan to go pier fishing, and get our tan on whilst beach-bumming. And of course, they're always ghost crabbing... It's great time to spend with family too. Usually the whole clan is together so it's a great time to catch up with everyone.

Then finally, August 7th is our 2 year anniversary! (How weird!) Josh is surprising me for our anniversary. I know we're going somewhere, and doing things, but where and what, I haven't the foggiest, I enjoy surprises so I'm really looking forward to it. It's so weird how time flies. God has really blessed me with a strong, hardworking and loving husband. I come home from work at the end of the day and he has watered my plants, taken our dog for a walk and made me dinner - all after he spent the day at work too. I'm really very blessed.

The fact that it's almost July already is weird to me. We've been here for 2 months almost already. And my end of orientation is quickly approaching. I'm ready for it though. I'm not looking forward to starting night shifts, but I'll do what I have to do. I don't think it will be near as bad as last time because I'm not working 5 nights a week and I won't be sitting in an office secluded from everyone fighting to stay awake. Hopefully the whole day-night switching will be temporary though. You can do anything for a time... perhaps a year or 2. God is in control, and he'll get me through the tough spots.

So! That's our summer! Among other spontaneous plans that will arise, I'm sure. =] The important thing to remember in this season of business is God and his plans for us. Our silly little plans don't out weigh God's great and magnificent plans, and we need to be focused on him daily.
Thanks for reading!

Sara

God will provide

Yesterday, Josh spoke with one of the attorney's at Pittsburgh's Public Defender's office, and they informed him that they would not be able to keep him on for the fall with an externship. This is originally what we were banking on... but of course there are other options. Josh submitted his resume and application with an immigration law firm in the city, and there are many other places he could apply as well. We know that God will provide. Your prayers for an externship would be much appreciated... If Josh doesn't get an externship he will have to go back to New Hampshire for a semester, and I'll have to stay here in Pittsburgh. I can't bear the thought of spending another period of time away from Josh, so I'm trusting and having faith that God will provide an externship, or if he doesn't... this will be something to strengthen our marriage, and God will be there to help us through.

Amen.
-Sara

classroom, drought and exercise

I had one week on the floor at work and am now back in the classroom for a progressive and critical care course that goes until Thursday. It's actually pretty interesting and we're going over a lot of interesting things. I was shocked when I received my paycheck last week at how many taxes PA takes out in contrast with New Hampshire. It really took a while to come to terms with it and how we're going to budget just to maintain our lifestyle let alone improve it. But after much reading of my bible and praying, I know that God will provide for our needs, and everything else? we don't need! My week on the floor got better and better with every shift. I'm pretty much doing my thing and using my preceptor as a resource at this point. Granted, I haven't had many critically ill patients yet, but I'll get there. =]

It's been a little more rainy outside this week, a little warmer... we've begun breaking in the air conditioning in the bedroom at night. I'm enjoying walking to class every day since it's at Shadyside UPMC - it's right down the street! It's also been fun this week since Josh is on the same schedule and we can get ready for work and leave the house at the same time in the morning and walk to the bus stop together.

In other news, We're combating an ant problem in our kitchen, and a drought problem in our backyard.. and front yard for that matter. My tomato plant is quickly perishing =[ and my posies in the front yard are pretty much dead. Haha. I give my mom and dad a lot more credit for raising a large abundantly producing garden every year. I'd like to grow tomato plants and possibly a cucumber plant... maybe next year will be my year. Perhaps potted plants are the way to go since you can move them around to where the sunlight is and into the shade when need be. Who knows. I'll do a little reading on gardening this year and figure it out by next year.

Josh and I are making it to the gym about once a week if we're lucky right now. Things are just busy and after a 12 hour shift the LAST thing I want to do is go for a jog. But, I do need to lose a few pounds that I acquired over the move from NH to here. And it would be nice to get back into shape before summer's over. I'm hoping to start running and making it to the gym a little more often. There's also a whole foods market down the street from us that I'd like to check out. I was just starting to fall in love with the co-op in Concord before we left. But eating healthy is becoming more and more important to me the older I get, especially going through all these classes on what awful things can happen to people and their health.

I look forward to getting through these classes, hanging out with my good friend on Thursday, heading back to Clearfield to visit my Mom and Brother on Saturday, and Church on Sunday here in Pittsburgh.

I'll be in touch. =]
-Sara

Stepdown 3B

The unit I'm working on is called 3B and is a stepdown cardiac unit. Yesterday was my first day of orientation on the floor (which, first days on the job usually don't go well...). We do 12 hour shifts rotating day and night. I started out on days, luckily. 7am to 7pm. Usually on dayshift you have 4 patients and on nightshift you can have 5-6 patients. Assessments and vital signs need to be charted and done every 4 hours, and cardiac rhythm strips have to be printed and interpreted every 8 hours. The floor seems pretty busy, and that can be a good and bad thing. Either the day/night just flies by, or it's SO busy that it's dragging.

Yesterday, we had 2 patients most of the day since I'm a newbie, and thank goodness because I felt lost most of the day. Figuring out their charting system is going to take some getting used to, and I think that's the major thing that got to me yesterday. That, and the subtle differences like which doctor to call, and how in blue blazes do I get ahold of him/her. I remember feeling these things when I started at CMC, and I remember (now, looking back) that at some point I figured out what I was doing and became more confident. So I trust that will happen again. I orient on the floor for 6 weeks before I'm on my own. It's only been one day.. and I need to remember that, and not get discouraged.

Today I have the day off to relax and recuperate, and tonight we have small group with people from Providence Church - which I'm excited for. Care group (or small group, whichever you like to call it) always used to help me put my situation into perspective. I have it pretty good here... I need to remember that, and thank God for all the blessings He's given us. And just pray for the strength, and energy to make it through this season of life, and honor Him along the way.

Amen.
Love, Sara

Rigby...

I feel like Rigby's gotten the bum end of this deal. Before in NH, either Josh or I was with her the whole time, now she's usually in her crate by herself from 7am to 4pm, and her walks are significantly shorter - if she gets to go for a walk at all (but we have a backyard now that she can run around and play in). So, she's been especially vocal and mopey lately. Whining and barking at every little thing, and I'm just stumped. I don't know what to do with her - other than take her on longer walks on my days off (which I intend to do today). Luckily she's only been destroying her bone and hasn't turned to any of the wood fixtures yet. This makes me nervous for when I do night shift though. Before, that's when we had all the problems. Unless I take her for a walk before I go to bed, but I really can't guarantee that I'll be able to do that after a crazy busy 12 hour night shift. But perhaps it'll be just the thing to cool off before sleep. We shall see.

I look forward to getting a lot of things done today. I'm still weirded out by my voluntarily getting up before 8am and starting my day like a normal person. It's rather strange for me. But I do enjoy it much better because this way I can get a lot more done and feel like a productive member of society even on my days off.

Happy Blogging!
Sara

Sweet Weekend

Josh and I are officially old - first of all, we went to bed at like 9:30pm last night. Then, we both woke up at 8am. We were up and awake and took Rigby for a walk before 10am which is crazy. So, we decided to go have a fun day at the zoo.

Needless to say we had a great time. We're really enjoying our time in Pittsburgh so far. The cool thing is that after we do something like visiting the zoo, we only have a 5-10 minute drive home instead of an hour and a half drive. We have many more things on our "to-do" list, but those will have to wait for other weekends.

Something that I've been thinking lately is how God has provided for us. Josh's internship wasn't going to be paid - but he was lucky enough to get a grant from the school, and I'm certainly very lucky to have started so soon and have gotten a job so soon. The next orientation wouldn't have started until the middle of June. We have money, we have incomes, we have a lovely cozy apartment that we're both becoming fonder and fonder of (except for the poison ivy that was hiding in the front yard) and we have each other. Living in New Hampshire for almost 2 years was a good thing. It taught us to rely on each other and work through our issues. I don't regret it for a moment. But it's so good to be back home. To have friends and family close by, and to see the rolling hills and green trees everywhere - Oh how I missed it. So, Thank you God - for your wonderful blessings. Amen!

Sara

a bigger purpose

I've been tweaking the appearance of my blog, and even changing the URL due to the fact that coptiheller is an inside joke between me and Josh. (When I was young, I had some sort of difficulty pronouncing words and was verbally dyslexic... coptiheller = hellicopter, panshoo = shampoo, garjib = garbage... you get the idea). There, not an inside joke anymore. haha.

Anyways, most of the time I use this blog to write down whatever's on my mind and just ramble on about completely random things... but I want to use this blog to talk about inspiring and important things. To broadcast the beauty of God through pictures and stories, to share personal struggles of mine so that others may be able to relate to them and how God is working in my life... This may not be my gift - I may be terrible at relating to others, but I figured I'd give it a shot.

So, keep your eye out for more posts!
Sara

A pretty cool place to live...

Our second weekend in Pittsburgh; the tides are turning. I'm in orientation 5 days a week at St. Margaret's for now, next week I have a 4 day week of classes, and then the next week after that I get to start on the floor. I think I'll have an advantage to new grad nurses, and I'm looking forward to seeing the flow of the unit. I'm glad that I have a job, and am getting paid right now. Thursday night, Josh and I hung out with my friend Rachel and her fiance` Jay - it was a lot of fun! We went to Del's Restaurant and experienced Pittsburgh's little Italy in prime fashion. Last night (Friday) Josh and I made our way to the Pittsburgh Pirate's game - and they won against the cubbies 1-0! It was exciting and a lot of fun, I always love baseball games. Afterward we stuck around a bit enjoying the scenery, and at that moment, I started to love living in Pittsburgh. It took a while to come around to this feeling - frustration with traffic, terrible roads all over the city, the element of fear that comes with moving into a used-to-be-"shady"-area... Public transportation, (which I have yet to try :P)... But really, it is a beautiful city, and a pretty cool place to live.

That's all for now.

Sara

The Big City

Josh and I did it - we moved from Concord, NH to Pittsburgh, PA. And oh what an adventure it has been. When we first got here, we moved in with drizzling rain going on in the background, we quickly found that Rigby has something against the upstairs renters - she barks at them or the sound of them moving upstairs nearly constantly, and to boot, she doesn't have her "perch" to watch the street people so she mopes in our bed all day long. I had my 2 interviews... and have a job as well. The first interview with St. Margarets went well and they called me back the same day to offer me the position. Having no job security I thought - yeah, I better take it. I had my interview with West Penn yesterday and I think they're planning on hiring a previously employee anyways, so win win I suppose.

I read my blogs every morning - and one that I always read without fail is prayforian.com; Larissa and Ian Murphy's blog. This morning Larissa was talking about how difficult it is to go to work while Ian stays home, and how their roles are reversed. I can somewhat relate to that feeling - Josh doesn't stay home by any means, he goes and does his thing either at law school, or here - the public defender's internship. He's worn out and not getting paid for it... I would very much love to cut back to at least part time, because while I loved nursing in nursing school - something went awry. But also reading her post, I realize how much stronger she is than I. She recognizes that doing this job, getting up and going to work every day - is a display of love and obedience toward God, and toward her husband. I complained non-stop at my previous job because I just hated it so bad, but that certainly wasn't pleasing to the Lord, and it certainly wasn't honoring my husband. I need to go into this new job opportunity with an open mind, and a joyful heart. There will be difficult patients, there will be nights where I'm just thoroughly overwhelmed, and there will be people I don't quite get along with - but God has put  me here for a reason, and it's my responsibility to be joyful, and to do it because "I love god, and I love my husband" - just as Larissa has said.

Amen!
-Sara

Last Day at CMC, and a new chapter

My last day at Catholic Medical Center was yesterday, and what a freeing feeling it is to not have to work this coming week at all. It's like a mini-vacation! The only problem is, there will be no paycheck for this mini vacation, however that is not worrying me at this time. I value the experience I had at Catholic Medical Center, it taught me many things. I have my ACLS certification, I have loads of experience under my belt and I've come away from it a stronger person. Having said that, I look forward to new experiences.

I'm beginning to get excited about this move, this new chapter in our lives, this adventure back to Pennsylvania. I'm looking forward to having friends and family close, to starting a new job, to having Josh more accessible and not having to study/do homework all the time. I'm looking forward to some normalcy in our lives, and making close bonds with friends in the area.

I'm going to miss things from this area, and I'm going to miss many people. My lovely girls from work, our church family in Londonderry NH and Haverhill MA. People have touched our lives, and we're so thankful for that and for God blessing us so richly in our experience here in New Hampshire. Praise the Lord for his grace and providence!

Love, Sara

How could I forget this verse - my favorite verse, my strength in troubling times...


1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.


Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings... because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. How can I be so pessimistic in these times when they are producing an ever-lasting hope, not to mention shaping me for heaven. 

Life Lessons

We're down to approximately one week left before we depart New Hampshire. Needless to say my stress level is through the roof. Luckily, I only have tonight and the weekend to work and then I can really start focusing on what I need to do and a timeframe in which to do it all. I think most of the packing is coming along nicely; there's still a lot of cleaning to be done though. And of course there's the whole thing about securing the apartment. hah! I can't wait until that's over and done with because let me tell you, 76% of my stress is coming from that. If our realtor Sandy would ever actually get back to us about things, that would just be amazing. But no. We have to call and e-mail her in order to move forward with the next step unless we want to wait a whole-nother month. Anyways, Sorry... Venting.

I had a phone interview with West Penn hospital for a PACU position - which was where I really wanted to end up in nursing school, until I met the ED. So needless to say I'm so excited about it I could pee, but I feel like every time I've gotten my hopes up before I've been let down. I know God has something in mind, but I want to know what he's thinking so I don't get hurt again. I know that's not how christianity works - I need to trust whole-heartedly and getting hurt is part of the business, but it's still hard for my tender heart. So anyways, I have an in-person interview May 16th which I'm going ROCK OUT LOUD on, because I want this job so friggin bad. It would be the same hours Josh would be working, so we could actually kind of have a normal life. Wouldn't that be something?? Anyways, like I say before - God is in control, and I can trust whatever he has in store. Maybe if I keep telling myself that I'll believe it. I'm hoping that happens because right now I'm not feeling it - but as Josh has told me many times feelings are unstable, and you can't depend on feelings... you have to rely on what you KNOW. Pray for me and my struggles. haha And pray that my pessimistic ways would change to a glass overflowing.

Love, Sara

Cold Weekend Mornings

I woke up at 9am this morning and just could not go back to sleep, but I was enjoying the warmth and fuzziness of the blankets cocooned around me. Yesterday I had my ACLS class from 9am to 2pm, and Monday I have class as well - only Monday will be all the tests and everything that goes along with it. We have to respond to a megacode. Honestly - it may sound lame, and it's kind of heartless, but this is what I love about nursing. This is what gets my adrenaline pumping, and gets me excited. I don't love the stress of the D200 unit. I don't love the patients that I'm taking care of there - because 4 out of 5 patients shouldn't be there in the first place. But anyways, Arlene was saying that the cardiac floor is a different kind of stress, and I think I understand what she means by that. That's what makes me think, maybe the emergency department is still where I'd like to end up? Maybe not... I can't imagine doing ED inner city.. that would be crazy, I'm sure. But who knows. Maybe maternity would be my niche if I ever got the opportunity to give it a try. All I know, is at this point - med/surg is NOT my niche.

Tonight we're getting together at Margaritas in Manchester as a "going away" party thing for me. So far, I think it's just me, Amanda, Keri and hopefully Arlene. I hope more people turn out - I should have given more notice. Ah well, I'm on the home stretch. 4 days of work left at CMC. Tuesday, then Wednesday and Thursday I have off and can get some packing done, and my last 3 day stretch until we move. That next week will be heavy duty packing, and then we'll move back to Pittsburgh. Josh will start his internship that monday, and I'll have a job interview. I know God has something planned for me, something in store for me. If I don't get the maternity job, there's a reason for it, and if I end up working cardiac, there's a reason for it. It does interest me, genuinely. Perhaps that's what I'm meant to do - who knows. Goodness knows I understand more about the heart (oddly enough) than the GI tract. hahaha.

Time to go get the morning started.

Love, Sara

blogger went and got spiffy-fied.

My Uncle Dave always told me that between the ages of 19-23 or so, it's just weird, because you don't know who you are and who you're supposed to be. You're not an adult but you're not a kid. I'm feeling that lately... I mean, obviously I'm an adult. I'm married to a wonderful man, and I have a lot of responsibilities like supporting a family of 2.5 (Rigby only counts as half) and paying all the bills on-time. We have our first major purchase under our belts (the Ford Escape), and all that fun stuff. But, I still feel like this is a transitionary phase. I wonder if that ever goes away. When we move back to Pittsburgh, Josh will be doing an internship, externship and then taking the Bar in February of 2013. Hopefully then he can start working too, and we can see what it'll be like to be in a regular groove, a dual-income family. Maybe then I'll feel more like an adult... who knows. I'm sad I haven't heard back from Children's yet. I really don't want to work at any other hospital, but I know I have to take a job whether it's the one I want or not - because we don't have an income, save for me. And I've already taken a week off of work at CMC to pack and get everything figured out. Before I know it, it'll be Friday. Because this week is going to be so crazy busy. And then... I'll only have 1 week of work left. I'm excited to be done. But my goal of not draining my ET balance is not working out. Ah well, I'd honestly rather have less time at work at this point. I always used to finish strong in cross country and track. I'd wait until there were about 200 yards left and sprint with all that I had left in me - a lot of times I could gain 2 or 3 spots by that little trick, but I find as I'm getting older and way more out of shape, I no longer finish strong with other things in life let alone running. I'm eager to get out of this job, so I'm waning in my ability to see the positives of picking up extra hours and shifts. Which, either way God will provide for us, but I could help us out a little too. Anyways, I'm rambling at this point... Time to get started with my morning! Love, Sara

Big update.

We're moving in the middle of May. Josh got the internship, we may have hopefully found an apartment (the one we saw but said they didn't allow dogs - we talked them into allowing dogs) and I have given my notice at work and my last day will be May 6th. That gives me a week off of work to clean, pack, and regain some sanity. I have a 3 day weekend coming up that I'm going to cherish and use to get a lot of stuff done too. I've applied for 3 positions at Children's and tomorrow I think I'll try to telephone the nurse recruiter again, and if she doesn't answer again, I'll leave another voicemail message. I can't believe that she never got back to me. GRR.

My stomach is more of a mess than ever. LUQ pain that radiates to my back, and usually after I eat. DISLIKE. I'm going to try doing some yoga today. Maybe that will help.

My head's buzzing with all the things I need to do in a month. CRAZY! I can't believe we're actually moving back. It's exciting but scary at the same time. I imagine I will be petrified starting a new job, with new people. Hopefully I'll make some friends, but I imagine it'll be hard at first. At least I have more of a support system back home if things aren't going so well.

Anyways, I'll keep you updated
Sara

Journaling and the like

It is 10:30am on a saturday morning. I worked last night until 12:00am, I work tonight, and I work tomorrow night. Then I have one day off and do another 3 days. I just feel like... The patients in our unit are high maintenance, and there isn't anything being given back. They're a bunch of takers, and nurses instinctually are a bunch of givers. I'm giving so much of myself that I'm drained and exhausted... I came home and crashed in bed - sleeping until 10:00am without ever budging. And I'm a tosser-turner kind of sleeper. And I'm sad because my summer weather has left temporarily.

Josh and I are still waiting on word back from Pittsburgh - it's the weekend so I'm not getting my hopes up for today or tomorrow... But next week is the end of March, and I'm praying praying praying that we hear something back. The anticipation is killing me. Josh's mom agreed to go look at an apartment for us this weekend - so hopefully we'll hear good things back about that. Although it's kind of difficult to move forward when we don't have a solid answer from the public defender's office. I'm waiting on that before I can start any of my paperwork to switch my license over. Which, if you think about it, isn't it silly? We know that we're probably going to be in the area - Josh has an internship in Butler if things don't work out in Allegheny County. But if I could get a job in Butler, that would be nicer to live there and not have Josh commuting an hour every day. God has perfect timing, God has a plan. God is in control - and I can trust in God. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Just thinking about it gives me a stomach ache.

Well, next weekend Josh and I are going to visit my brother in Scranton. I'm looking forward to it. I would like to go on a long vacation someday. Just relaxing, no dishes, no laundry, no cleaning, no grocery shopping - just relaxation. *sigh* wouldn't it be nice. It's almost summer, which is good enough for me. I dearly love summer. Riding bicycles, grilling in the yard, playing outside with Rigby, I love summer. Here's to looking forward to summer, and resting in the assurance of God's promises.

Love, Sara

It's been a while, dear friend.

Last I posted, Josh's interview had been rescheduled. He had the interview with one of the attorney's there, and it went well. We're still waiting for the final word whether he has the internship or not, but we're still hopeful that it went well and we'll have a solid answer by the end of the month.

So, what have my struggles been recently? I'm glad you ask, because I'm dying to talk about them. I'm a whiner and complainer, and it's really been apparent to me lately that I need to focus on the good things in life. I'm exhausted from work, and my heart has been acting up a little more lately than usual. I got my blood work done and it was all fine. My appointment with my doctor is not until May 31st, which in reality - I'm not even sure we'll be here for that. I'm stressed that we don't have a for sure yes about this internship, and I'm nervous about starting over with nursing in a different hospital - in a different state, with different co-workers. I know that we have something really rare on our unit - that almost all of us get along well and help each other out. I know that's not common, and I'm just hoping and praying that wherever I go to next has the same mentality as D200. I'm nervous about moving into the city. I'm nervous about finances (so what else is new!!).

All of these things I'm nervous about or hesitant about are under control, God's control. And I can trust in that. Sure, I have no idea what the road ahead holds for us. I have no idea if we will be staying here, or if we will be moving. If we will find an apartment or if we will be commuting from Indiana for a while, if I will find a job right away, or if I will have to find a temporary employment for a time. Everything is up in the air, except that I love God. I love my husband. I know that we can depend on each other, and we have supportive friends and family who are willing to help us.

I feel like I should be making more progress than I am... I wrote about being unsure and nervous and anxious last week, and the week before and the week before - so that should all be behind me and I should be fine now, trusting in God. This may take me a very long time to get the hang of, but the good thing is? I'm still working on it. I'm still fighting against my sinful nature. And I'll never quit fighting - and that, is way more pleasing to God than whether I'm anxious about things or not.

Love, Sara

God's will be done

Today we went to Pittsburgh, for Josh's job interview. However, when we got there... His interview was rescheduled for tomorrow, and the apartments we had appointments to see were already sold, save for one which does not allow pets. Needless to say, Josh and I... Mostly I, were discouraged and deflated. I felt as though we had been praying for this for quite a while, and it felt very discouraging having so many road blocks in one single day. But, as we went through with the rest of our plans.. Dinner and a date movie, I started realizing that even though things may not be going according to my plans, they are still going according to God's plans. We need not get discouraged and deflated because of one bad afternoon, because God is in complete control.

We went to see the movie "the vow", (silly chick flick, I know) but it made me realize just how good we have it. We have a wonderful marriage, loving family, awesome friends and worlds and worlds of possibilities ahead of us. It's humbling to think about, really. People who have many more or perhaps much more profound struggles, (relationships fraught with brain injuries) can be much more grateful and much more content than I am, and really, what do I have to complain about? I need to learn gratefulness, and contentment. I Ned to trust God with all steps in my life. Lord, I can't do it on my own, I need your help to keep my eyes fixed on you, and to trust fully in your sovereign grace, and your plans for us. Thank you lord!

Love, Sara

Grace

God knows me better than I know myself, and this has really become apparent to me the past couple days. I've been reading C. S. Lewis's book "Mere Christianity", and it has been challenging me and opening my eyes to things I didn't see before. So, I've decided to rise to the challenge and really Listen to god, really learn what I was missing and really pray and work on the things he shows me. That should have been happening all along in my life, but unfortunately it wasn't. I thought I was pretty alright compared with some people I've seen, until I started feeling so empty inside and unhappy with everything in my life, and worst of all taking all these things out on my patient and loving husband. But god found me where I was and wreaked havoc until I (being the stubborn person I am) finally turned to him. How much less stress I feel, how much more at peace I feel. I said before I knew god was in control but I didn't mean what I said... I was still hanging on for dear life.

Hopefully this is just a preview of things to come, and I know everyday won't be charged with a good feeling, but those are the days to think with the mind and not the heart.

Love, Sara

Finding my Niche'

As I've started my "wellness plan" I'm learning things about myself. This is day 8 of no diet coke. I can proudly say I'm living without it, and I haven't gained mucho weight because of drinking other things with calories. I didn't quite get the "squeaky clean detox" feeling I was looking for, but that's alright, I know I'm bettering myself. I've started researching yoga, and how I can benefit from it. I've started looking at substituting refined foods with raw pure foods. I haven't had a complete transformation - Just had homemade pizza with enriched white bread dough for the base. But these are small steps, and small steps are all that matters.

Same thing goes for Christianity. Small steps. Lots of small steps. I can expect the world from myself sometimes, and I get really discouraged when I fail at something, but I'm trying to jump across a canyon, and a hop-scotch sized jump is more what I need to be expecting from myself. This is not to say it's a good idea to drop expectations, no. Great things are expected from me as a christian. It's just a good idea to remind myself sometimes, that yes... great things are expected - but if I fail, God still loves me anyways. I'm an imperfect human being full of a sinful nature that will never go away. I should battle against sin with all my might, but sometimes I will lose the battle. The important thing is to get back up, and start fighting again.

It's easy to look at our situation and get bummed because going out and buying a bible cover or spending money on an inspirational journal or inspirational book costs money that we don't have to spare. It's easy to feel suffocated and defeated by life. But I need to remember God's truths. Philippians 4:8 Finally Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Love, Sara

Wellness Plan

I was telling Josh just the other day that we're at the age where we need to take care of our bodies and eat healthy, get enough exercise and such and such. Realistically it would have been nice to have started that 23 years ago, but anywho... Due to this desire to be around for all major children events in the future and hopefully grandchildren events as well, I've decided to concoct a wellness plan. Part of this plan, (giving up diet coke) is in effect due to the fact that I just had part of my face drilled at the Dentist, and it's painful - so I'd like to avoid future cavities if at all possible. I don't drink enough water in a 24 hour period, and that's the first thing I'd like to change. Second, I don't get to the gym enough - and I'd like to try to get there more often, with or without Josh. Of course I'd love for him to be there with me, but he does have a lot on his plate with school and such. Also in this category, I want to start a yoga/meditation/prayer/relaxation routine in the morning. Thirdly, I'd like to cut out processed foods. Start eating whole veggies and fruits, less chips and crackers and more "pure" foods. This of course with be a long drawn-out process... Finally, as I said before - diet coke and other things that may erode my teeth need to be taken out of the mix. No more painful cavities!

So there you have it, I'll be sure to journal with my successes and failures. haha.

As always, Love Sara

Stress management journal

I've been trying a few things on for this "stress management" thing. Yesterday, I went through some "relaxing" yoga poses while praying for inner peace, and for anything else I could think of. I prayed that God would help me let go of my death grip on my life, and help me to live out His plan for me instead of being obsessed with how I would like things to go. I felt very relaxed after doing this! So much so, that I took Rigby for a walk, made myself some lunch, and did the dishes before getting ready for work.

Then I got to work... and it was that same old crazy busy, heart's beating a million beats a minute stressed out, shoulders all tensed up feeling. So, I've decided... first my goal will be to get my stress under control at home, and then I will remind myself to say prayers at work, and see how that goes. Of course, this is all under God's control... and I need to trust in Him. Trust.

Love, Sara

Stress management

Yesterday, I attended a stress management class at work. I voluntarily signed up for this course, because I feel "burned out". This class was not the greatest class in the world, I have to admit. I did take one thing away from it though - my impact on others when I'm stressed out. My attitude toward others and how I react to situations. The effects on my health, (which I already had a pretty good idea about)... It made me realize that I need to try a little harder to get my stress under control. So, here's the first part of my "stress journal". The things that stress me out most, are money, work, not having enough hours in a day, and feeling tired all the time. Money has two parts - income, which I can control, and output which is somewhat under my control. Unexpected expenses like my dental bill I definitely cannot. Work, I cannot control. The only thing I can control at work is my attitude. I cannot control that there never seems to be enough hours in a day, but I believe that plays off of me feeling tired and burnt out all the time. I can control when I go to bed, and when I wake up, and how many naps I take. So there we have it - the things I can control, and the things I cannot control. There are other little things that stress me out, but those are the big ones.

The way that I react to such things varies - when I'm stressed from work, I become isolated and don't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I have stomach issues, and my heart palpitates. Finances, I can feel my heart racing, and I feel condemned. "All-or-nothing" thinking starts taking over, like I'll "never" be able to buy anything for myself ever again. When I feel overwhelmed by the things I would like to get done and the amount of time I have to do those things, I shut down and don't do any of them. And when I'm awfully tired, I sleep - 12 hours a day. I never feel like going to the gym, because I'm tired. It would be fantastic stress management to go to the gym, but then it comes back to not having enough hours in a day. I would like to go to the gym every day, but that would mean I'd have to get up earlier, or rearrange my morning in some other way, such as giving up my morning routine.

In my first post - it has been my goal to identify my major stressors, the things I can and cannot change, and my reaction to those stressors. Next time, I will be looking at what I can do to lower stress.

-Sara

Fretting about Money.

Josh and I, well... probably mostly I... always talk about how "someday I'd like to have a library in our house," and "someday I'd like to have a wine cellar in our house", and "someday I'll have a big huge kitchen". Two problems with every single one of those statements. Where's God? And why do those things matter? They don't. And that's why at the end of the day when I get a 900 some dollar bill from the dentist, I'm empty and depressed, because I've placed my hope in big expensive things, and it kills me that I can hardly pay for the dentist.

God will provide for our needs. And simply stated, I shouldn't need anything other than what he provides. I shouldn't need anything but God ...and what he provides. There's got to be a fine line between "oh wouldn't that be nice," and depending on it; placing hope and emotion on it. I'm determined to find that line. And live on the "Oh, wouldn't it be nice" side of the line.

On another note, It's nearly February. I find it crazy how fast time goes now that I'm not in school. It's exciting in a way though, because that means in no time, we will be either staying here, or more likely finding an apartment back in Pittsburgh. It would be exciting to have a change. A rotating schedule would be interesting, and a pay raise would be awesome. But once again - like with everything else. God's will be done, and God will provide. I need not get anxious or worrisome about things, because it will all work out according to God's perfect plan. I can do what I need to - and certainly pray, pray, pray. But otherwise I need to step back, and trust in the Lord.

Thanks, for letting me vent.

Love, Sara

Watching, waiting, anticipating

Josh sent his information to the Public defender's office in Pittsburgh for a summer internship. We are essentially waiting to hear back about that, and an externship, before we will know where we'll be for the rest of this year. I've found that living in such uncertainty tends to lead to anxiety and panic for me. But this is a wonderful opportunity to put ALL my trust in the Lord. Josh and I may not know what's going to happen, but God certainly does. And God is good to his sons and daughters.

So, pray that Josh and I will make the most of this opportunity to fully depend on God, and pray that we wouldn't have any anxieties about it. Thank you, dear friends

Sara

"new look"

I've been trying to give many things in my life "face lifts" recently, and my blog should not go unnoticed. So, I decided to change things around a bit. There may be a little tweaking in this blog's future.

I've been struggling recently with "who I am"... Seems I'm still trying to find my identity even now; all this time after high school. Nursing school was really a blur for my social life, too much homework and responsibility - although I did manage to find a husband and marry him. =] I know what the answer ought to be. First, and foremost, I am a christian. I am a woman of God. I am a wife, a daughter of two wonderful parents, a sister of one supportive and loving brother who has been a close companion for many many years, I'm a friend of many lovely ladies, and gentlemen, I am a nurse. Aha! There it is... the one I've been struggling with. Nurse. What is a nurse? A taker of orders,... a do-er of tasks... a passer of meds...? Shouldn't there be more to it than that? The idea of nursing is fabulous and riveting. How you can really change someone's life, extend their lives, or make their last moments of life really something special. What I have found, so far... is that these patients I've come into contact with more often than not, aren't even grateful for a glass of water, and I - young child that I am, have thin skin, and insecurities.

But the Lord calls us to have thick skin. To battle onward. To be kind, and turn the other cheek. To love others, our enemies, our foes. He calls us to do his will without instant gratification, heavens, perhaps without gratification at all. So I revert back to the "thing" that I am first and foremost. A christian, a woman of God. And it all comes full circle. I am a caring girl with a tender heart, but lucky for me, God is within me, strengthening me and moving me onward.

Love, Sara

The lazy bug

The past couple days, almost a week now, I've not felt like doing ANYTHING. I made dinner last night, and then took a nap, and watched TV until bed. Well, Josh and I finished off Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets before we went to bed, but I could've gotten a lot of much-needed things accomplished. Laundry, dishes, groceries; heavens.. even some pampering like re-doing my fingernails or something. I feel stuck in a rut. I'm in a funk. I need to try to be more positive about my job, and learn to roll with the punches, and just... do the best that I can do, and not only do the best that I can, but make the best out of any situation. I have a few awful days under my belt that I can say "at least it's not as bad as such and such a night". But also, I need to keep my mind focused on what I'm doing here. I need a year's experience (AT LEAST) before I can get a job doing something else. It would be nice to have 2 years I'm sure, but our time line does not allow for that. I need to realize that this is just a step in the process. Focus on ACLS and other things like that. Josh will find out about his internship in March-ish, sounds like. Well, he'll find out if he gets an interview in February. I hope they interview him, and I hope he does an outstanding job. We were looking at apartments in Pittsburgh last night, and I've been looking at the job boards pretty regularly. I hope and pray that God opens doors for us in Pittsburgh, or if that is not his will, he would make us aware of his plans for us. Especially now with my grandfather rapidly declining, I wish I was home with family. I know I'd still have to work but the days I had off I could at least spend with them. Pittsburgh is about 2 and a half hours away from clearfield, about one hour or so away from Indiana. It's about the same distance away as Scranton, just in the other direction. There are so many things on my mind causing me anxiety, I just need to give them all up to the Lord, and Pray pray pray. Perhaps in this time of sorrow fasting would be a good idea. I really hope Josh and I can go to care group on Monday. I think going snowboarding on Saturday would do us some good too - get our minds off things. I can't wait for my stress management class at work. Perhaps it will give me some new ideas of how to get myself under control before the crash comes, and without spending loads of money on yoga classes or something. I would like to try yoga though - I think it would be relaxing and peaceful. Coffee does the soul good, too.. i'm convinced. Off to conquer the worlds more important problems, like dishes.

Love, Sara

Winter hits New Hampshire

The world outside is white, and slushy. There's rainy sleet falling from the sky. Back home in Pennsylvania, this is what we would call a miserable day. It brings back vivid memories of a year ago. We had just moved half-way across the country. For me, it was the first time being that far away from family, friends, loved ones. We didn't know very many people up here - Josh had a friend from high school that was living with her husband and daughter in Concord as well. I remember how desolate it felt. It was both exhilarating and scary. At times I felt that it was so nice being on our own, getting to really know each other and depend on each other. At other times I felt stranded and abandoned up here in the "tundra". It was an interesting mix of emotions, all of which were heightened as I endlessly endeavored to find a job, and pass my boards. I remember the days of studying, cooped up in the apartment with blankets covering me head to toe, eating all day long (I gained 15 pounds last winter!) doing practice question after practice question. It's comforting to know that I will never have to pass the NCLEX again. Reminiscing helps me to be thankful for the situation I am in now. I don't have to worry about the next bill coming in the mail and how in the world we're going to keep up with rent. I don't have to worry about not having anyone to talk to, having made friends at work, and at church. Josh and I have had a good long time to depend on each other, learn to solve conflicts together, and fall madly in love all over again, and again. This is a chapter in our lives, that we can say strengthened our marriage, helped us to grow in the Lord, and taught us the value of having friends and family near and dear. It's an experience I'll never forget.

Love, Sara

The new year is here

It doesn't feel any different - in fact, the only weird part is that it's about 50 degrees and beautiful outside in the beginning of January. 2012 for whatever reason doesn't seem like "holy cow it's 2012!" I feel like I may be that way when 2013 rolls around, or perhaps that's just because I've spent time planning into 2012 and haven't even thought about 2013 yet. I feel like this year will be a big one for us. Josh will be finishing up with law school, he won't take his BAR until 2013 for sure, but it'll still be a huge feat finishing law school. I'm coming up on my one-year-working-at-catholic-medical-center mark in February/March. I was technically hired in February, but didn't start orientation until March. I remember those first 2 months here with no job.. It was frustrating for sure. I said no matter what I would be thankful for my job because I couldn't deal with going back to that nothingness. It's funny to look back at the past year. We would have only been in PA for another 6 days, on the 7th of January we drove all the vehicles up here to NH to move in. Josh's parents and his brother Matt came with us, and our first meal in our new apartment was Checkmate pizza. Rigby went for a walk around the neighborhood - one of her first walks on the leash. Now it's a regular every-day routine. We've managed to make it back to PA every two months or so to see family. Maybe we only see my family, maybe Josh's would come up here - either way we were blessed to be in close contact with family even though we're so far away. Summer was a lot of fun, we went hiking, went to the ocean up here several times, had lots of visitors - that was my stretch of night shift for 2 months. It was awfully hard to stay awake down there in the admissions office sometimes, and I remember feeling over-joyed the nights and even mornings that I could sleep with Josh. I missed sleeping next to him. We also made it down to North Carolina with Josh's family for vacation - it was tons of fun! Josh and I celebrated our first year anniversary around that time and traveled another 5 hours to Georgetown South Carolina to spend a night at the Mansfield plantation. It was very beautiful and quite an out of this world experience. Then we ventured back to New Hampshire, I got hired to the D200 Unit where I work now, and began to develop friendships with the lovely ladies I work with there. Thanksgiving was spent back in PA with Josh's family. My dad had just sold the house in Pleasant Valley, and so my Dad was in Scranton with Steven. So we spent a few days in clearfield and a few days in Scranton. Christmas was weird without anyone here - Josh and I opened presents 2 days early. I wrapped Rigby's gifts and put them under the tree as well. Josh got an Ipad, Rigby got bones and new dog dishes in a pretty stand, and I got flannel sheets (LOVE LOVE LOVE), Beautiful earrings from my lovely husband, and work clogs that are SO comfortable I might just have to get a pair for around the house. It was an excellent Christmas and we both made out like bandits. =] We have more presents to look forward to when we venture home to PA in a few days. And I was able to make it home in time to watch the ball drop with my lovely husband, and we ate Gobs and sipped on Champagne. That's a year in review, with Sara Brown.

Amen!
Love, Sara